I am in the same place you are in. The one year anniversary of my husband's death is approaching. I had him brought home so he could die in his own home and in his own bed. I was with him. Hospice was with me throughout the entire time. Watching at the very end taking his last breath haunts me and hurts me. I know I did the right thing, but it just hurts and hurts. I am not able to get over this. As you say, the rationale part of you knows you should, but you can't. I say it is too soon. I just had to get over spending what would have been our 60th wedding anniversary alone. He was alive on our 59th. Things happened so fast it is hard to take in and accept. I am getting counseling. Hopefully that will help. Right now it is one day at a time and a lot of tears. What you need to cling on to is that you cannot undue anything that has happened so try not to dwell on it. It is hard but you have to try. Good luck.

I can’t say I’ve accepted all that happened or that some of my guilt of the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s will ever go away. But I do know I am feeling better and I will take that. I know that finding the right counselor really helped with that. I shared and lifted part of my burden. And Annie - Mind you,for me it’s been six years. At the one year mark I would have to say you are doing amazing. You’re out there expressing your feelings on a grief website - that shows amazing strength and I am proud of you. I’d like to go back in time sometimes too - and then I remember that all happens just as it should because it couldn’t be any other way. Take care of yourself. You deserve it !!!!