They are most likely a good person trapped in narcissism. I stayed for years with this justification process in my head. But as narcissists rarely change - all I was doing is spending my life at the mercy of their moods and impulses. I was a lucky one whose spouse was able to get some relief from his Narcissism with counseling …. But I had to leave ( for me ) before he cared enough to take care of himself. And who knows if he ever would have got to that point if he wasn’t diagnosed with cancer. And the grief process of dealing with the death of a narcissistic spouse - eee gads ! They are gone and you still question it all in some weird way. Once you get some space clarity will come and you are going to be so proud of yourself to have left her and created a space for you to enjoy your life !!!! I know I am proud. And the tears you shed ? You can’t imagine how someone you live would treat you this way ? It’s because you would NEVER treat someone you loved that way. You have empathy and the ability to live a full life. She doesn’t have that, will most likely never have that. Doesn’t make her a bad person , but I love that you live yourself enough to know you DESERVE MORE ! respect, honesty, trust…. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. You’ve got this ! With your empathy and your knowing when you have to take care of yourself ( even if that knowledge came slowly ) …. The world is your oyster. Enjoy. You deserve it. Try not to spend any time regretting that you tried to fit a square peg in a round hole - but be thankful that you now realize that will never work no matter how hard you try or how much you love. Lesson learned. Now get back into life … I’m cheering for you !