I am also approaching the one year anniversary of losing my husband of 59 years. In four days it would have been our 60th anniversary. Everyone grieves in their own way. I don't think time heals, it just makes it easier and softer. I try to think of the happier memories and sometimes it works. But, yes, there is anger, especially when I have to take out the trash. That was his job. I cry all the time. Even in public. I was at the grocery store and saw a special thing that I used to buy just for him. Bang!!! here come the tears. Please hold on to hope. It is too early to say it will never change. I thought I could never go out without him. Yet yesterday evening I went out to a movie. A week ago I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that I would not be able to do this. But I did. Just hold on. Keep the faith.

I’m right there with you. As much as I try to block out the awful memories, they keep appearing. Maybe the only thing we can do is let them come, acknowledge their existence, and try to find a good memory to replace each one as it comes. I can’t see that fighting them has any effect. People assure me that it WILL get better and, although I can’t see it yet, I know so many who have suffered losses and are surviving or even thriving, so I’ve got to put my faith in that. Cry if and when you need to. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t, but it is a defensive weapon that we have in order to cope with unrelenting grief. I personally think that humans can only sustain a certain amount of grief - probably different for each of us - for a finite amount of time and then it has to change. Maybe the changes are so subtle we will not be aware until one day we recognize that something has shifted. At least that is what I’m hoping for because where I am now is agony. Please take heart and try to believe there is good in the future. We just have to survive long enough to get there.

It will never go away but our partners would not want us to be miserable. We must honor them.