Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?

@thisismarilynb Graduating to getting around with a cane is an accomplishment! As we have all heard before, "baby steps". And this goes for everything in our lives, right? It's hard to accept that we cannot simply snap our fingers and have things go back to a sense of normal. It is all a process, much like you are learning about your hip replcement. Gently, I am here to remind you that it is all a journey that we each have not been on before. And when there are multiple factors going at the same time, it can be overwhelming.

I have followed your posts, and am inspired by you. You have such a strength, and also not afraid to show your weakness. That is healthy, believe me! It might not seem so, but there are others reading your words, nodding their heads, finding common ground and gathering their own strength, knowing you have done it/are doing it, and so can they! I for one, look forward to continued reading about your journey of recovery, both physical and emotional. I care about you, as do many, and want nothing but the best.
Ginger

You have no idea how your words make me feel. I needed some impetus to go to the mailbox to check the mail and because of you I have it. Thank you more than any words of mine can say. I have my last physical therapy appointment on Friday. However my therapist thinks I need more so she is going to make that happen. I may have a few weeks of lapse, but then there will be more therapy. The ultimate goal is to walk normally. I have been told this could take a year or more. Because I am alone, I check in with my sister every day. So that is what life has become now. Check in every day to let her know nothing bad has happened. I have to accustom myself to this new way of life. Just one day at a time.

Thank you for your reply. Hearing from people, even via email, makes you feel more like a regular "human being," a feeling not familiar for me now. My husband passed away August 20, 2021. Then I had the hip replacement. Going through this alone was more than tough. I have two sons, but only one lives in this country. We have had a major falling out. Now my cleaning person didn't come and have no way to reach her. I look outside because I really feel the sky is falling down directly on my head. As I reread your message I see you like to keep going. This is not true for me. I just want to to lie in bed and wait for the end. I promised my eldest son that I would never harm myself because I believe it is a sin. Heck I won't even pierce my ears because I feel that is desecrating my body. I know in the end I have to heal myself, but not there yet.

That is the same date that my husband died of brain cancer. Hard to believe it’s been almost a year. I’m supposed to have a knee replacement in October and the thought of not having my husband here with me is daunting. It is so hard to work up enthusiasm for anything these days. I am fortunate in that 2 of my 3 children are nearby and all 3 are very supportive and caring. I hope that you and I both will get through the 1-year mark and find that life on the other side is somewhat better.

Shortly after my husband died I had a complete hip replacement - alone. I really did think I would die that first month, but as you an see I didn't. So just hang in there and you will get through it even though it will not be a bed of roses. I have 2 children both far away, but only 1 is supportive. Because of all that happened I was not able to make arrangements for his internment. But I have started therapy and have been able to begin the process. Then there are all the "firsts" you have to go through. His first birthday sent me into hysterics. At the end of this month would have been our 60th wedding anniversary. A friend and I are going to lunch and then I don't know. Then, of course, the first year of being without him. I have been lucky in my choice of therapist. If you can, you should try it. Because I haven't yet fully recovered from my hip replacement I don't go about very much. But it is getting better. And when/if the weather gets cooler I will make an effort to at least walk a bit. I think all we can do is grit our teeth and hang on for the ride. Good luck.

Aha! Another similarity. We celebrated our 60th anniversary in June of 21. Seems like you and I are slogging along on somewhat the same path. I’m glad you are getting out some and hopefully more often as your hip heals. I had my left hip done 3 years ago and I was lucky because it wasn’t bad. My right knee, on the other hand, was awful! But that was 2009, so I’m hoping it’s better now. Aging is not for sissies!

We do seem to be on similar paths. My hip was bone on bone so it needed to be done. Finally saw my surgeon last Wednesday. He was pleased at what he saw. I left him laughing with this story: One day I was grocery shopping at Albertson's. My last stop was the deli counter. Ahead of me was a man. We were both waiting for the lone clerk to come and take our order. So we started chatting. He was wearing shorts so you could see his knee. It looked awful. He told me he had had a knee replacement and was doing well even though it was still swollen. He could hardly wait to get his second knee done. He pointed to my cane and asked about it. I told him I had my hip replace. So guess what. We both had the same surgeon. Became instant buddies. Anyway I told this story to the surgeon and he got a hearty laugh out of it. I guess it's true what they say. Always leave them laughing. One more appointment in January. Now I have finally been able to bring myself to make arrangements for my husband's ashes to be interred. He was a veteran so will be buried in a military cemetery. It has been hard to find a date that will suit everyone so it will not be until the very end of October. Even though my sane mind knows that the box in the closet only holds his ashes, it will be hard to let go. We are in our golden years. That's because we win gold medals for surviving.

We do seem to be on similar paths. My hip was bone on bone so it needed to be done. Finally saw my surgeon last Wednesday. He was pleased at what he saw. I left him laughing with this story: One day I was grocery shopping at Albertson's. My last stop was the deli counter. Ahead of me was a man. We were both waiting for the lone clerk to come and take our order. So we started chatting. He was wearing shorts so you could see his knee. It looked awful. He told me he had had a knee replacement and was doing well even though it was still swollen. He could hardly wait to get his second knee done. He pointed to my cane and asked about it. I told him I had my hip replace. So guess what. We both had the same surgeon. Became instant buddies. Anyway I told this story to the surgeon and he got a hearty laugh out of it. I guess it's true what they say. Always leave them laughing. One more appointment in January. Now I have finally been able to bring myself to make arrangements for my husband's ashes to be interred. He was a veteran so will be buried in a military cemetery. It has been hard to find a date that will suit everyone so it will not be until the very end of October. Even though my sane mind knows that the box in the closet only holds his ashes, it will be hard to let go. We are in our golden years. That's because we win gold medals for surviving.

@thisismarilynb I don't know if this has crossed your mind, about interring your husband's ashes. Here is what I did.

My dad was also cremated in 2012, at his wish. I ordered enough small remembrance containers from Perfect Memorials for each child, and used a small amount of his ashes in the container. Beyond that, at his request, there were token amounts of his ashes spread in three places significant to him. Half his ashes were interred with my mother's gravesite. The last half was committed to the sea off the California coast [he was a Pearl Harbor Navy man on the USS Enterprise]. We could not honor his request for all children to gather at the USS Arizona memorial in Hawaii and commit the remaining half. Every so often I pull out the anchor container and wear it, and remember him.
Ginger