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Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: May 1, 2023 | Replies (123)Comment receiving replies
We do seem to be on similar paths. My hip was bone on bone so it needed to be done. Finally saw my surgeon last Wednesday. He was pleased at what he saw. I left him laughing with this story: One day I was grocery shopping at Albertson's. My last stop was the deli counter. Ahead of me was a man. We were both waiting for the lone clerk to come and take our order. So we started chatting. He was wearing shorts so you could see his knee. It looked awful. He told me he had had a knee replacement and was doing well even though it was still swollen. He could hardly wait to get his second knee done. He pointed to my cane and asked about it. I told him I had my hip replace. So guess what. We both had the same surgeon. Became instant buddies. Anyway I told this story to the surgeon and he got a hearty laugh out of it. I guess it's true what they say. Always leave them laughing. One more appointment in January. Now I have finally been able to bring myself to make arrangements for my husband's ashes to be interred. He was a veteran so will be buried in a military cemetery. It has been hard to find a date that will suit everyone so it will not be until the very end of October. Even though my sane mind knows that the box in the closet only holds his ashes, it will be hard to let go. We are in our golden years. That's because we win gold medals for surviving.
Replies to "We do seem to be on similar paths. My hip was bone on bone so it..."
Funny hip/knee story! Thanks! I have one about ashes. My family was with me when I scattered some of my husband’s ashes in a place that was very meaningful to all of us. As I was doing it a gust of wind came up and blew some of them back on me. My oldest son dropped to his knees and started trying to brush his dad off my sneakers. I swear I could hear his father laughing from somewhere close. Now I smile every time I wear those shoes.
I do know what you mean about the significance of ashes. It’s not him, in fact, it’s the antithesis of him and some days seeing that container makes me angry and sad, but it’s all the physical evidence of his existence that I have. We have plans for places where we want to put them, but it will be hard to let them go. But I think I will feel better when I can finally do that.
I’m glad you are able to move forward with your plans.
(Still waiting for my gold medals).
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@thisismarilynb I don't know if this has crossed your mind, about interring your husband's ashes. Here is what I did.
My dad was also cremated in 2012, at his wish. I ordered enough small remembrance containers from Perfect Memorials for each child, and used a small amount of his ashes in the container. Beyond that, at his request, there were token amounts of his ashes spread in three places significant to him. Half his ashes were interred with my mother's gravesite. The last half was committed to the sea off the California coast [he was a Pearl Harbor Navy man on the USS Enterprise]. We could not honor his request for all children to gather at the USS Arizona memorial in Hawaii and commit the remaining half. Every so often I pull out the anchor container and wear it, and remember him.
Ginger