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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
Grief is grief, no matter how it is dressed up. It is not yet a year since my husband died. We were married for 59 years. At the end of this month will/would have been our 60th wedding anniversary. A friend is taking me out to lunch. But I will still be a basket case. I have experienced the anger and still do; and also the guilt - big time. I have broken down and cried in the grocery store when I see things I bought especially for him and I think will this never end? I am assured it will, but not right now. I am in my late 80's and must start thinking about my own death. How do you plan that?
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Oh Marilyn- I am so sorry for your loss but also commend you on what sounds like a lovely 59 years of marriage. There are no words I can tell you that would ease such a loss - as you said, it’s not been a year yet …. And the first year seems to always be simply a blur of loss, change & confusion. It shows that whether 32 years of marriage like I had or 59 years like you had … it is hard to fill the hole their leaving our lives creates. I try to focus on what I can be grateful for TODAY, I try to get out in nature whenever possible ( even just sitting on a patio counts ), I try to help others as this takes the focus off of my loss and is so healing, I try to zoom out and gain perspective- we are all guaranteed only one thing after birth, and that’s death ( everything else is up for grabs) - yet we are overcome when faced with such a loss ( or at least I was ). Acceptance of the present moment is the key as the past is no longer here - there is no guarantee Of tomorrow- but we do have today. A day which can be joyful or a day that presents us with things to learn and grow from. How amazing Marilyn that you stated how you are hoping to prepare for your own death. How wise ( and challenging) to be doing such a thing. We all need do that - even though it comes without a guide book. How do you prepare? Maybe write letters to loved ones. Maybe have lunch with a friend who is sad. Maybe just surviving the grocery store is enough preparation for the day. And as it’s hard to prepare anything, let alone for one’s own passing - so remember- you have time, don’t force anything. And the anger and guilt? For me the anger and guilt lessened with time - not that it doesn’t flair up. But I slowly realized that such feelings could change nothing but the quality of my day today.I was letting something I couldn’t change ( the past) effect what is TODAY! I know, Easier said than done to get past it all - but time really does help. Wishing you well. And happy anniversary at the end of the month - he may be on the other side but his love is still here within you … hope you go out with a friend for a nice dinner and reminisce on the good times of the past 60 years.