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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
I’m so sorry for your loss. Yes, knowing that a passing has some senseless ( avoidable ) aspect to it does so complicate the grieving. All the shoulda, woulda, couldas creep up. I finally have all my finances situated ( it took 3 years and many a lawyer - as I ended up running his business until I could remove myself… then had to sell our home that I could no longer afford, etc… ) and am doing better with the anger of his passing ( he was only 52 and an athlete and was only five months passed from diagnosis of cancer to death - but I had spent at least a half year BEGGING him to go to the doctor - I could see in his eyes something was off, a flatness). I still miss him as do the kids (5 of them) . His personality was so large that he has left quite the hole in our family fabric. But I think that with all the time it took me to handle the finances and my frustration at being alone when it didn’t need to be ( I’ve been to counseling for this guilt) and missing him ( so much!) and endless time spent helping the kids ( it seems like they each have had a major accomplishment AND crisis since his passing - wish hubby was here to share the joy and the pain ) …. That all became a pattern of life over the past 6 years. A wife and mom with no husband or minor children - and I need to reboot and reinvent …. Time is passing and so little has changed … I need to start being fully present in each day looking forward to future plans , without one foot always in the past … but I don’t quite seem to remember how to be anything other than a wife and mom. Thanks again for your reply !!!!!! (:
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From the comments I seem to be older than you, although I recognize that doesn't change our basic feelings. I was fortunate enough to work for a probate and trust attorney for 23 years before I finally retired. That made things so much easier for me. All the legal stuff and financial stuff was in place and I could just grieve and not have to worry about it. But now I have a new worry that I have not seen discussed here anywhere. In a couple of months I will be 88 years old. I am in relatively good health. I am recovering from hip replacement, but that is not an illness. But how long will I be able to care for myself? A question no one can answer. And if I reach the point where I will no longer be able to care for myself, how much disability will there be? Too many unanswerable questions. I am trying to do some research. In August I am going to visit one of these facilities on the recommendation of a neighbor who had to place her brother there. She highly praised it. And I am also looking at staying at home and having caregivers come in. Another complication is that I am alone. I have two children but they are far away and have their own lives. Has anyone else been in this situation? If so, what did you do?