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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
I think I know what you mean and feel. My husband was not a well man, but he was not dying either. He suffered from Parkinson's so his balance was off. At night he needed to go to the bathroom. I got a walker and pleaded and begged him to use the walker when he had to get up at night to use the bathroom. But he refused because he wanted "to do it himself." As a result, one night he fell and broke his femur. Three months later he was dead. For me this was a useless death and made mourning and grief more intense. As for the financial mess, you need to get with a really knowledgeable attorney or financial advisor. I have started therapy to see if I can resolve the grief and anger. Only two sessions so far, but we seem "to fit." You cannot do it alone. You need help and do not be afraid to ask for it.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Yes, knowing that a passing has some senseless ( avoidable ) aspect to it does so complicate the grieving. All the shoulda, woulda, couldas creep up. I finally have all my finances situated ( it took 3 years and many a lawyer - as I ended up running his business until I could remove myself… then had to sell our home that I could no longer afford, etc… ) and am doing better with the anger of his passing ( he was only 52 and an athlete and was only five months passed from diagnosis of cancer to death - but I had spent at least a half year BEGGING him to go to the doctor - I could see in his eyes something was off, a flatness). I still miss him as do the kids (5 of them) . His personality was so large that he has left quite the hole in our family fabric. But I think that with all the time it took me to handle the finances and my frustration at being alone when it didn’t need to be ( I’ve been to counseling for this guilt) and missing him ( so much!) and endless time spent helping the kids ( it seems like they each have had a major accomplishment AND crisis since his passing - wish hubby was here to share the joy and the pain ) …. That all became a pattern of life over the past 6 years. A wife and mom with no husband or minor children - and I need to reboot and reinvent …. Time is passing and so little has changed … I need to start being fully present in each day looking forward to future plans , without one foot always in the past … but I don’t quite seem to remember how to be anything other than a wife and mom. Thanks again for your reply !!!!!! (: