The biggest challenge I can most clearly identify is the "moment-to-moment", hour-to-hour struggle with feeling or being useful, engaging with something rewarding, "just being"...especially NOT wanting to be so weighted down with this struggle. (The recently discovered phrase "existential depression" seems to help describe at least some of it).

Kind of hard to put into words overall, but the unseen tugging toward inertia and ennui is more binding than ever. I've been an accomplished person all my life, but always struggled with feeling "enough" - actually the feeling that won't diminish is "never enough". So, when I'm not doing something (which is the majority of the time lately - and hence the problem) I feel like I just want to almost "freeze in place". It feels safer than the constant trying, which begins to feel like delaying the inevitable - the dysthymia / depression, the weightiness of it all, the always returning weight.

It has been helpful to have words to place on some of these conditions or struggles, but yet they never go away just with descriptive phrases. I visit a LCSW who is supportive, but I can't seem to get through to anyone, my loving partner included, how much of a weight this is, and how much energy it takes to carry this around, with no resolution. Sounds like a bit of what we kids used to call a "pity party" - but it is something that our family has struggled with (I am alone in acknowledging this within the family).

One accomplished member attempted suicide years ago, but the massive weight of denial by all remaining family members (by not talking about the family dysfunction, the pervasive sadness against all outward appearances of success and advantage), equates to not having any hope of validation, let alone recovery). This lack of acknowledgment is almost as bad as the dysfunction and depression itself.

So no words of advice, as I have none. But, as many have shared here - and this does provide some rays of hope, and the validation lacking in my life otherwise - this Mayo Clinic Connect offers something other outlets have not so far - a mediated, moderated sharing of others sincerely describing their own struggles, and the Mayo Mentors that do an excellent job of moving it along and posing reasonable questions and often links to other sites, discussions and resources.

Thank you Mayo Clinic Connect and its participants for existing and maintaining a hopeful environment, often against - what for many of us feels like - all odds.

@stsopoci You certainly "hit the nail on the head" with your words. We are each unique, finding what works best for us at a given time. And I always need to remind myself that what helps today, may not have helped last week, or may not work next week. That is where the shared experiences come into play, we get to hear from others what has worked for them. We get new ideas, or learn something we were not sure will be helpful, was for someone else.

@brandysparks Be gentle on yourself! It's hard to be hard on yourself all the time. I've been there, and got the T-shirt! The frozen in place, hoping it will all blow over without me doing anything approach didn't do anything, either! I had to make myself get out of my own way, focus on the end result desired, and start plodding that direction. Daily perseverance. And when we get a little relief, we want more.
Ginger