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Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Dec 30, 2022 | Replies (290)

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@janet7

I am so sorry for you! This is not an easy one and I have a feeling he will come up with this again.
This is what I would do - just a suggestion.
I would tell him the credit cards all all maxed out. Then I would tell him that you are on a strict budget (says your Financial Advisor) and you hope you will not run out of money. Therefore, checks would not do him any good.
And to get an apartment, you would need a deposit and the first month’s rent, which you don’t have. If he questions how you know about the finances, ask him “ what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?”
I pray you will tell him what he needs to know to stop his obsession. Nip it in the bud!

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Replies to "I am so sorry for you! This is not an easy one and I have a..."

Only problem is he does remember that we recently sold our home and what the amount was and that it is in the bank. If he thought all that money was gone he would go absolutely haywire and God alone knows what would happen.
I'm busy stalling him on things. It might come to needing to flat out tell him he can't move. On the car I figure I can explain he has to take the series of tests in late September to prove to the AZ DMV that he is ok to get his license back - serving two purposes - delaying and also getting him there without a fuss.
Also this morning he couldn't find the wire door to the cat condo/crate. He finally had to ask me to do it.
One good thing is he is now re-watching one of his favorite James Bond movies - since he doesn't remember ever seeing it before he is enjoying it like he is seeing it for the first time rather than the umpteen time! Same for all of his other favorite movies. I had to help him with his hearing aid remote as he was turning the volume down rather than up. He gets mixed up on the arrows.
My ex-brother-in-law is a Financial Planner and Bill has been talking to Tim about investing. Tim is aware of the problems so 'talks' with Bill, keeps him happy and then ignores him until he 'forgets' what he wanted Tim to do. This has been going on for a couple of months. Tim has found that if he drags the conversation out Bill will excuse himself and go to bed as he has trouble, and gets tired, in keeping up with the conversation. Tim is used to him heading to bed anywhere around five and six and not eating dinner (Tim and his wife, Robin2 come over to dinner fairly often). They have also offered any help and Robin2 has also joined Robin, Bill and I at Mayo. Nothing like having lunch dates at Mayo - although they do have good food at reasonable prices!
I'm really lucky with family backing. Makes a tremendous difference.