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Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Dec 30, 2022 | Replies (290)

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@billchitwood

One of those mornings. Our daughter became my 'sister' and then turned into my 'wife'! Bill decided he wanted half of our money, the credit cards and checkbook as he was going to get his own place and buy a car. Fortunately he had forgotten to charge his hearing aids so couldn't hear me so had to agree to delay the conversation. Shortly after his 'announcements', he was so pleased we would be moving to our own place soon and getting a car. Now he is asleep and I'm really enjoying the peace and quiet. His doctors don't want him to nap during the day but it is the only time I can truly relax. Doesn't seem to make any difference with his nighttime sleeping anyway.
Thinking of putting together a bunch of old expired credit cards for him. I do need to keep his ID, Medicare and Med Sup cards as doctor's office always asking for them. He has a voter's ID card I can add to the bunch. I don't dare add his old driver's license as he would think he could use it - but maybe not. He has not written a check in the last 35 years - or done a tax return (personal or for our business). Hasn't paid a bill during that time either. Even had me take care of his child support. So I'm hopeful that his latest requests will slip his mind quickly.
In the meantime I keep playing for time lol.
I had to give son Scott a few truths this morning as he thinks his Dad is just 'playing' me and there isn't really anything wrong as he sounds great on the phone. Needless to say, very short phone conversations and when Bill does goof up, like Scott's age, he makes a joke of it and since he always was great for joking, Scott buys it hook, line and sinker. Daughter Shelley is much wiser regarding her Dad. His other son (who he forgot about) rarely gets in touch with his Dad and hasn't a clue.
In the meantime Bill thinks his memory and health have improved greatly.

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Replies to "One of those mornings. Our daughter became my 'sister' and then turned into my 'wife'! Bill..."

I am so sorry for you! This is not an easy one and I have a feeling he will come up with this again.
This is what I would do - just a suggestion.
I would tell him the credit cards all all maxed out. Then I would tell him that you are on a strict budget (says your Financial Advisor) and you hope you will not run out of money. Therefore, checks would not do him any good.
And to get an apartment, you would need a deposit and the first month’s rent, which you don’t have. If he questions how you know about the finances, ask him “ what do you think I’ve been doing all these years?”
I pray you will tell him what he needs to know to stop his obsession. Nip it in the bud!