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Depression: Handling Ups and Downs in Marriage and other relationships
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Jul 28, 2022 | Replies (57)Comment receiving replies
Hi Ginger! I had to LOL when you said I had "picked" an older discussion to post into. Let me assure you, my computer skills, which are a joke, seldom extend to getting me where I actually want to go. I believe I belong to the Mayo Clinic Club? Group? Forum" (SORRY) and have for several years after being diagnosed with AFIB and then eventually having an ablation. Every day in my email I get a notice about new posts in the Heart Rhythm section. I thought I recalled seeing an index and would be able to jump into a group about depression very easily. Well, I'm very glad you found me and hope you will set me on the path I'm suppose to be on.
I refuse to get depressed because I don't know how to "drive a computer!"
I was very happy, Ginger, that you understood what I meant about the era we grew up and personal/family issues were not talked about. Aunt Betty wasn't "crazy," she was going through menopause and my older cousin Katherine wasn't "crazy," she had post-partum depression really bad and "crazy" Uncle Jack was an alcoholic, but we didn't find out for years that his wife had died during childbirth, he lost his job, began drinking, lost his house and soon Uncle Jack left town.
It's sad when you realize if we had known more, how much we could have helped. It's a better world but we still have a long way to go.
And why men can't, or won't, talk about feelings is a frequent topic among my women friends. Probably a topic among women the world over.
You ask how I've been handling my depression so far. Please know Ginger, I don't mean what I'm about to say in the slightest derogatory way at all, but have YOU tried to find a therapist any time over the past several years? They are ALL booked. Many became so overbooked, they burned out........now there are even fewer. I am on a number of waiting lists, but I've been waiting for a long time.
You suggest talking to close friends and family, Ginger, you have no idea how much I wish I could.
I know how pathetic I sound. I know all the things I could be doing to help myself feel better. I live on the West Coast and we had a very wet Spring, so all the yard work that I love to do, got put on hold. The night it stopped raining, we woke up to a heat wave. Today is Day 5 of 90+ degree heat in an area that normally doesn't get much over 70. Tomorrow the heat wave is suppose to break with record rainfall........I'm not just moaning about our little part of the country. I know there are folks that have it SO much worse than us. With everything going on in the world............I think I've reached my tipping point.
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Hi Ruby,
Completely agree with you about the difficulty of finding a therapist these days, as I also have encountered this situation. Meds can only do so much, and sometimes depression resurges. I can relate to waking up under a cloud as Marjou mentions. Feels like nothing can break the spell, and ones ability to do anything becomes a greater struggle every day. I've even felt down because I have depression:)
Despite numerous pep talks to myself, it gets to the point where all is gloom and doom, yet still cannot get moving. I finally realized that part of my problem was watching too much news and weather adding to my anxiety and inertia. Most of spring went by without me stepping outside. Even when the days were decent, I stayed indoors.
I was sort of forced outdoors by the requirements of my yard and needs of my senior beagle, and as I got a little sunshine and watched the little nature show of the neighborhood, started to feel a little less miserable. A month later, and depression is relieved, and feeling more in control of things. Completing little projects seems to inspire me to work on others.
Allowing my adult children to help more, doesn't feel too terrible, despite my initial resistance. (I should be able to do everything by myself, like I always have even though I have numerous medical issues.)
My daughter has convinced me to let go of restoring an old upright piano which I have not made any progress on, and my son is having a tree service out to take down an old tree that is tangled in power lines, etc. I do feel blessed and for the most part feel much better.
This morning however, I have discovered a banking error which has shattered my confidence. My latest utility bill made no sense to me. there were minuses behind the recent and current amounts. After an hour or so spent checking my bank statements, I found that I had overpaid my account by triple the amount due. While it's nice not to have to pay this quarter and have a balance to pay the next as well, I have never made such such an error and feel frightened of developing some sort of dementia. The grasp of nouns or adjectives that has become a joke in the family is starting not to feel so amusing. The threat of mental decline is one of my greatest fears, and I do wonder whether or not their is a strong correlation between long term depression and the 'A' word. Did my giving an inch make Karma take a mile?
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@rubywitch67 Yes, it is difficult to get connected with a therapist. Two years ago I reached out and asked for help. My pleas went unanswered. Then I got a call one day saying that if I felt I was in crisis, I could get an appointment in 3 weeks. I gently [well, not really gently, but with a lot more restraint than I thought possible at the time!] told them that was unacceptable. They told me to go to the nearest ER if I felt suicidal. The nearest ER for us is 50 miles away. They didn't have a response when I told them, "Wait. You want me to get on the road and drive when I am suicidal??? How is that a good thing?!"
Like you, talking with close family or friends is not an easy thing. Over the course of years, I have spoken a bit to my one sister. Finding our perspectives on the same situation are so different, it makes me wonder if we are even in the same family!
@brandysparks mentioned about distractions and all. What has worked for me is that by taking my focus off of what is upsetting me so much, to remove some of that energy, it has allowed my mind to sometimes see the issue differently, and to address it. For example, and true. I had something really bothering me. So, I went outside and was pulling weeds [always plentiful around here!] It was a distraction, not something I really like to do, but they keep coming back, darned it all. And as I'm doing that I realized that it was so much easier to not grab the whole weed clump, but work at it from a couple of different sides, a bit from here, a bit from there, and eventually work into the center of the mess. It occurred to me that is how I should look at the issue on my mind. Don't take on the whole thing, work a bit from different sides, move it out of the way and get to the core. That distraction helped me resolve the issue.
We all have methods to cope. Those methods work well at times, other times, not so good. I have used art therapy, writing, movement like walking or Tai Chi Chuan. By the way, I was able to finally connect with some professional help.
What makes you smile today?
Ginger