having him in my life is more than I could ever ask for. He is amazing, and I love him with all my heart. That i why i am so desperately searching for anything i can do to help him. No matter what he says or does during his episodes, I know that he is always going to protect me and love me and that when the storm passes, he is still the man i fell in love with all those years ago. I just wish so much I could help him better. watching him like this breaks my heart and i know that when i cry it makes it worse...I just don't want him to hurt so much. it can be so hard to just walk away when he is like that. and so hard to remain calm myself.