@witsend000 and @flynnzie I bet there are a lot of us reading your posts who are nodding our heads in agreement. You see, we all have been there one time or another. We may fall behind in our chores due to work, or illness, or the blahs. We might have tackled something that really "looked good on paper" but the execution was beyond our skillset or time allowances, leaving us feeling very inadequate.

I can only speak from my experience, and hope this might give you some support and let you see what worked for me. While I deal with health issues, I also live with depression from time to time. Making a list of things to do can be daunting, and it helps to write it out so I can see what needs to be priority. Forgiving myself for not getting something done was, and still is, difficult. I'd like to do it all but it simply is not possible. Pick a small thing. Clean off the coffee table in front of the couch. Vacuum one room. Sort through old mail and magazines. Once that is done, you may find yourself doing another small thing. Congratulate yourself! Take a short break, then do something else small. Stop being so hard on yourself. Don't hold yourself up to someone else's standards, just yours. No one said it is easy. Keep a journal, writing down your accomplishments, worries, concerns, and solutions, and congratulate yourself, everyday, for what you did that day. Find the positive in each task you get done.

Do any of these thoughts sound like a workable solution to you?
Ginger

Oh gosh, my friend. I can just feel your desperation in the last 2 sentences. I’m not a mental health professional but from experience I do know that negative self talk is our very worst enemy. It fills our head with so much darkness and anxiety. You’re not a lost cause, you’re not lazy or pathetic or useless. What will help you to fix this is to find the person who is lost inside of you. A small beginning would be to change the perspective on how you think about yourself.
https://www.verywellmind.com/things-to-do-if-you-are-feeling-worthless-5087740

Has your doctor ruled out underlying medical conditions? Another member mentioned fibromyalgia.
Your bloodwork seemed to be fine for thyroid, but I’m wondering if you’ve had your estrogen level checked. I shared my experience with you and the huge difference balancing my hormones made. I went from ‘deep dark night’ back to my old self with a hormone replacement and my anxiety/depression issues disappeared. That was over 20+ years ago and it has never recurred. I’m not saying that’s what has happened to you. But it is an example of how our bodies can get out of whack through nothing we’ve done wrong!

Anxiety can cause a great deal of debilitating symptoms including depression. From experience I know how anxiety can take over your life and mushroom from there.
You mentioned being on Lexapro in a previous comment. Who prescribed this and has there been any follow up? Did it help you at all? There are other medications on the market that can help with anxiety too.

The best medication doesn’t come from a bottle though. Our own body and mind have remarkable abilities to heal and regenerate through exercise. I know you ache and don’t feel motivated. But I’d really like you to challenge yourself daily to get out and walk. If not outside, then inside the house. Start slowly with a goal in mind of a lap around the yard. Increase that every day. It won’t be a cure all but I’m willing to bet it will make a difference in your daily life.
This small step towards getting the blood moving, the muscles being fed with blood and oxygen will start breaking the cycle of sitting around without a sense of accomplishment. It’s an important beginning.

@gingerw had a very good suggestion to speak with a counselor/therapist to help you get started on a journey to wellness. Have you spoken with a therapist?

Wasting the few beautiful days of the year makes me feel sad too. I have to laugh about your lists-mine are on paper, and it gives me a chuckle when I find an old to do list with projects that are still needing to be completed. Some of the lists are more than a decade old!
I never really give up, but things get put on hold for a very long time. It's important for me to get organized so that I don't leave this mess behind. I don't know about you, but even after 20 years of chronic disabling disease, I still mourn the able person I used to be. I miss being able to depend on myself, and keep promises.
Mostly I understand why I am the way I am now, but knowing doesn't make it easier. I used to try to figure out what was causing my fatigue. The short answer is everything. the medications for various ailments, the ailments, depression all cause exhaustion. Oh , and then there's being older...
The past lists, plans, and ability to function no longer work as they once did.
These sorts of problems require the development of strategies, setting boundaries, and perhaps learning to be kind to ourselves.
I have a feeling that we may have a similar background in being raised to perform perfectly, worry about ourselves last, little love or encouragement. Part of being female, I guess, and one can overcome many of these life challenges, but self acceptance when you're brought up with judgment and criticism is something I've never been able to master.
When I think about it, I'm certain that many of my medical issues are a reaction to years of stress.
I learned that while I can't fix this, I can learn to cope better, and I work on being grateful for what I can do and for the people in my life. I have had to stop contact with toxic family members and friends that made my life more difficult. I try to surround myself with positive people, preferably with a sense of humor. Setting boundaries has helped a lot, and in a way I am more content then in the past when I was killing myself to live up to other's expectations. Now to let go of my own expectations! The first thing that had to change was priorities. Very hard to take care of yourself when you're used to taking care of everyone else, but once you realize that no one else is going to do it, it's possible.
None of these lessons are easy or quick, and not a straight course. On the worst days I try to remember that this too will pass.