Good morning, @stephanie1212 I'm Scott and I was my wife's caregiver for over 14 years. I certainly understand your feelings! Caregiving is such an intense job, I believe it is impossible, from time to time, to not have every emotion imaginable. I like to say "superheroes only exist in the comics -- not in caregiving".

While not for every caregiver, I came to understand how I needed to be very intentional when picking my battles with my wife. If I hadn't been, I knew we could have fought about something every darn day. My wife became very obsessed with certain things in life such as not wanting any TV, radio, etc., what she'd eat, smells, wearing the same outfits, etc. I finally just came to believe fighting over such was wasting what little time she might have left. I realized I'd rue the day when I looked back on ill feelings over something truly insignificant to me, but seemingly crucial to her day.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

I know how you feel. When my husband started having more serious heart problems, I knew I could not have my life back. The part of my life I loved was volunteering at a hospital. I loved being with people and helping patients, even if it was in some small way. I cried my eyes out when it became obvious that I was his caregiver, and he needed me to help him. We’ve had issues with his “me first” attitude, but it is so ingrained in him, that changing it is almost impossible. But now that he has heart problems and Vascular Dementia, I let him get his way once in awhile when normally I wouldn’t.
It really comes down to me taking care of myself first before I get caught up with his demands. I have learned to say “no” more often and mean it. I spend time with friends and family by email,
Phone and Messenger on FB. Sometimes on FaceTime, which is fun. I watch videos on FB showing babies and puppies because they make me laugh, a valuable tool for caretakers, and makes my life a little easier. I read and watch PBS with their shows and documentaries and I vent and give/get advice from this program.
This caretaking is only for
me and helps me tremendously.
I am also grateful that I am able to do many things he is not able to, and because of me, he will stay home and not be “put away” somewhere.
How is your husband selfish?

I haven’t been with this group very long but when i read what you said about sometimes hating your husband, I was finding myself hating my husband as well, when I realized that i then felt ashamed, but I could not let go for over 2 years until I finally just gave it to my Father God.
My husband is/was also selfish not at all thoughtful, thinking only of his needs. He was a CPA with his own business but had to close it down because of memory issues, but he believed he still had a business so he kept putting his personal money into a dead business so that now we are in a money bind but since he no longer is able to know how to get into his accounts, i have no idea what they are so i can keep household going. He desired to keep his accounts to himself.
Dementia takes our loved ones from us. I feel so alone even though he is here.