I have a husband who has anger issues but I believe over the 30 years of our marriage, he does not get as angry as he used to. I realized early on that he was trying to control and intimidate me. There was one time early in our marriage when I was actually afraid of what he might do to me, a familiar feeling I had in my previous marriage. The only thing that broke up his anger was the screen door of the camper I took refuge in.
Thankfully he walked away. I have tried with humor to calm him down and it seems to be working. I try to let him see the funny side of life and show him not everything is a crisis. He is very high strung and set in his ways so there are some things I choose to ignore. When I drive the car, he is the worst backseat driver you ever saw. I choose to ignore his yelling but I continue to watch the road and refuse to get rattled. I jokingly tell him if he doesn’t stop picking on me, I will drop him off and he can walk home.
About your husband, I think his anger is his being unhappy with his condition and making you feel like it’s all your fault. You will try everything to make him happy and you rush to fix it! It’s like you are saying unless he’s happy, no one else should be happy. What’s that saying “unless Mama is happy, no one else is happy.” I am sorry he is sick, just like my husband, but he is acting like a child having a temper tantrum, taking out his anger on you and anyone else around. He needs to find his own happiness inside himself instead of expecting everyone else to do that for him. His anger isn’t fair to use against you or anyone else and he likes to see you all jumping to make him happy (and he might be just acting). You might have to treat him like a child, being firm but loving. Like saying, “I’m sorry you aren’t having a good day” and leave him alone to find out how he can make things better for himself. He needs to find out why he is so angry and stop taking it out on everyone else. That’s called “a Bully.”
Sorry if I’m too harsh!