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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
A good day to you also Indiana Scott. I am feeling rather more normal today but I went through some very rough periods to get here. My granddaughter was married last Saturday. I did receive an invitation to the wedding, but no help in getting myself from the airport to the venue. My son was very brusque in his reply. Then the daughter of my late first cousin emailed me that she was willing to fly from Toronto to California and take me to the wedding in Oklahoma. I was overwhelmed by her generosity. I contacted my son who then proceeded to tell me that I should not make any plans because I was not welcome at the wedding. His reason was that I had insulted his family. On the evening of the wedding I was in a bad way. At 2:15 AM I was ready to take those pills and so I did call the number of the suicide line. A spoke extensively with a lovely young lady and afterwards I felt much better and know for sure in my heart that no matter what happens I will never feel that way again. I think it was because I could tell her everything about what has been happening to me and my feelings without being interrupted or told I should have done this or that. It just got out and that was that. This morning I had my former caregiver over because I needed a couple of things done that required some climbing on the small stepladder and I cannot do that. Then I took her to lunch. We had a wonderful time together. I have also done a lot of thinking about things and discovered other things about myself. I think it is true that the more you know the better it is. Because what I discovered made me feel better. It doesn't make anything better, but you feel better because you know the reason why you feel the way you do. I am getting another six weeks of physical therapy. Hopefully this will do a lot for my hip. It will also help me to feel more normal. Maybe I will also be able to make funeral arrangements for my husband. His cremains are with me and I have not been able to address this issue. I have been fretting about this, but now I have been able to feel - so what? When I am ready I will do it. In the meantime I talk to him and sometimes I yell at him, and most times I cry and tell him how much I love and miss him. I have been helped so much by you and the others in this group. You will never know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Replies to "A good day to you also Indiana Scott. I am feeling rather more normal today but..."
@thisismarilynb
I am just now getting back to Connect after being out of town for a few days. There was poor service as to wifi or cell services. As @IndianaScott said, I hope you feel good about making that call, it sure sounds like it was a positive thing to do! Having a neutral ear to listen to you, and not feel like you are being judged, can make such a difference. Good for you finding out more about yourself, and acknowledging that! Many times we would like to just ignore the lessons, but look how calmer and feeling more able to cope we can get to.
My twin brother told me I insulted him almost 40 years ago, and has pretty much chosen to cut me out of his life. He has two daughters whom I have never met, nor even seen pictures of; likewise at least 2 grandchildren. Several years ago I sat myself down, and realized it was his loss, not mine. And his family's loss. There was an attempt to come to an understanding, but he chose to not participate, again his loss.
Live your life, make the funeral plans when you are ready, there is no timeline for that. Discover or rediscover hobbies that will feed your heart. Reach out to others as you have here, knowing that you have helped so many in relating your own tale. Get that additional PT and march in there with the express idea of getting your hip squared away!
What brought you a smile today?
Ginger
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Good morning, @thisismarilynb Thanks for sharing such an important post! I am so pleased you used the hotline and found it helpful! I have used it and likewise was helped by an amazing person on the other end!
I understand (at least in part) your feelings about the wedding. I am estranged from my sister and it goes back a long, long way. I've tried to overcome my feelings, but so far just can't. So I work on accepting this different aspect of my life.
I also understand your thoughts regarding your husband's cremains. My wife asked that some of her ashes be spread in five locations, each a different spot on some water, with the remainder being interred with mine someday. Initially, I felt like I had to "finish" this request immediately but then realized that was impossible since the locations were pretty far apart, COVID decided to visit, etc. So we do them as we can and as we are able -- both emotionally and given everyone's time and financial constraints. A case where I have had to convince myself "it the thought that counts" really does count!
Today I will find happiness with my memories of an audacious party a group of my friends and I put on 49 years ago tonight. As I think I've said before, sometimes I have to find a touch of happiness in rather strange places, but finding it is a joy!
I hope you find some touch of happiness today!
Strength, Courage, & Peace