I understand your loneliness. You mentioned traveling a long distance for therapy sessions. My daughter does her therapy virtually. Do you have that option? Please don't hurt yourself. Get yourself up and out of the house for a little bit each day. Not only will the fresh air help your mood, but it will give you purpose. Consider volunteering at a local school, hospital, or community group. In my case, it is very rewarding to help someone else in need. I never forget the loss of my husband, but I honor his memory by helping someone else.