Feeling alone is the worst. Especially at night. I was not a caregiver. His death was an accident. But while he lived for the short time after, I drove every day to visit. It was a long drive on the freeway and I always felt each drive might be my last. But I survived and he didn't. People keep telling me it will get better. But not yet. I have known two women who lost a child. I cannot even conceive of that kind of pain. But they got through it so I think we will as well. It's all a matter of time. In a few months it will be a year. A milestone for which I am unprepared. But of course we are always unprepared for any of this. Maybe it is just a day to stay in bed and just grieve. I hope you start to feel better soon. Try to have the attitude that this too shall pass. Kindest regards.