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Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: May 1, 2023 | Replies (123)Comment receiving replies
I passed the one-year mark of my husband's death at the end of March. We would have celebrated our 25th anniversary this year. The first year was so lonely with all but our youngest daughter 1200 miles away. Work was challenging as there were many days I didn't feel motivated to work and co-workers really don't want to hear your stories of "When my husband and I used to..." My only life-long friend lives 1200 miles away, but we talk a few days a week. Finding this site has helped me so much. I don't always post, but I know if I need to talk there is someone on Connect that has been in my situation and can offer words of encouragement that will get me through one more day. Live one day at a time and don't participate in events if you're not ready. Having our five grown children, grandson and daughter-in-law in town for my husband's one-year memorial (we couldn't do anything last year as one of our daughters was going through breast cancer treatment) really gave me peace. We spread their dad's ashes at sea; it was a beautiful ceremony. Everyone stayed in town for 3-4 days, we laughed, cried, and did activities that their dad used to love. I'm doing better now, still have sad days, but don't have that daily dread that I'm alone, or anger that he was taken away from me too early at age 60. Give yourself grace and go at your own pace. There is no expiration on grief, just different phases.
Replies to "I passed the one-year mark of my husband's death at the end of March. We would..."
So many of your feelings mirror my own. It has not yet been a year for me and the pain is very great. I had my husband longer than you did - 59 years. An entire part of my life and being has been ripped away. Do I even have enough years left to feel any better? No one knows. His ashes are still with me and I get some comfort talking to him. After his death I had a full hip replacement. Had to get through this alone. I really did think at times that I would die but I am still here. Still going for physical therapy and not finding it easy to walk yet. My therapists are wonderful and assure me I will get through this. At some point I will be able to go ahead and honor his wishes regarding his final remains, but not yet.
Hello Deb, I see you wrote this exactly one year ago. The part of your note that caught my attention was that you had a one year memorial for your Husband. It's been 5 months since my Husband passed and I haven't had a ceremony of any kind yet. It's a long story, but I put it off because we both had Covid at his ending. Then my mobility came into the picture, I am having knee replaced in 2 days. Now I want to heal from that and plan a Memorial for my Husband. I feel this responsibility over my head. I will honor my Husband, but now it is still a few months off. I feel like I am failing him.
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Good morning @dg0797 I am sorry to read of your loss, but was uplifted by your post. Thanks for posting it!
It is wonderful to read you find support through Connect! It was a wonderful, supportive find for me, too. In grief, we all feel so alone since aloneness is thrust upon us without our permission or desire for it.
I smiled thinking about your gathering and that you decided to do some of the activities your husband loved! So special. My wife had identified five bodies of water when wanted her ashes spread upon and while it took us two years to get them all done, we did it and it was such a calming event for me each time and like you brought laughter and tears.
I, too, agree that there is no expiration or timeline on grief. I was also not particularly ready for the rollercoaster of grief and its triggers, those expected and those that continue to surprise me.
Wishing you Strength, Courage, & Peace