Thank you for your reply. Hearing from people, even via email, makes you feel more like a regular "human being," a feeling not familiar for me now. My husband passed away August 20, 2021. Then I had the hip replacement. Going through this alone was more than tough. I have two sons, but only one lives in this country. We have had a major falling out. Now my cleaning person didn't come and have no way to reach her. I look outside because I really feel the sky is falling down directly on my head. As I reread your message I see you like to keep going. This is not true for me. I just want to to lie in bed and wait for the end. I promised my eldest son that I would never harm myself because I believe it is a sin. Heck I won't even pierce my ears because I feel that is desecrating my body. I know in the end I have to heal myself, but not there yet.