← Return to Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?

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@wreath

Marilyn, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband a year ago to IPF. We had been together since we were teenagers. He was 76. In many ways I feel blessed to have had him in my life for so long. We knew he was terminal, so we were able to do some things and get everything in order to make his passing easier on me. For that I am thankful. We moved close to our son so he could help me and make my life easier. Certainly I have my moments when it really hits me that he is not coming back. One thing that has been a great help to me is keeping a journal. I write it as though I am writing a letter telling him about my day and anything else I am thinking about or feeling. I don't write in it everyday. When I first started, I wrote about our courtship and the early years. I am adding things about his childhood and my childhood that I want our children and grandchildren to know about us. Sometimes I let the tears flow. But that's ok. We loved to travel, so I have started taking some short trips. Even going back to some places we enjoyed together. I know it must be difficult after surgery or an illness being by yourself. That's why I tell all my friends you should move close to whoever is going to be your caregiver. I also attended a grief share group. It helped me to hear other people's stories and how they were adjusting to their loss. I watched a family member give up on life after her husband passed away. She lived 30 more years and made everyone around her miserable. I didn't want that to be me. I have found that I am beginning to have more good days than bad. Please don't give up and let your grief consume you. I pray that God will bring you some peace and comfort in the days to come. May God Bless You.

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Replies to "Marilyn, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband a year ago to..."

My husband and I had been together for 59 years. He had Parkinson's so his balance was not so good. I begged and begged for him to use the walker at night when he had to get up to go to the bathroom, but all he said was "I can do it myself." So you can guess what happened. He fell and broke his leg and that was it. Shortly thereafter was when I had to have my hip replaced. My oldest son lives far away - he teaches school in China. If it were not for pandemic I would go to him. His wife is a nurse and they wanted me to come so they could take care of me. Other son lives in Texas. It is a place I would never want to live. In addition we have had a major falling out. We are still speaking, but barely. Now my house cleaner didn't show up. So will have to see if I can find someone - again. I don't have any plans to make everyone around me miserable, mainly because there are so few people near me. I am hoping to be in your place soon. That is, having more good days than bad. Thank you more than I can say for your words of comfort.