@auntieoakley That's a great way to express it to someone who may be reluctant to start the needed conversations and paperwork. I'd wager we have both seen what can happen when nothing was put onto paper! It took me a long while to get my husband to do his paperwork, and I just revamped mine. His thought was, "well, I've told you, so that's enough. And my kids know what they get." I have current originals in my file cabinet, plus an encrypted memory stick with my bonus son in his safe, with everything scanned onto it, as a backup.

I am included in my sister's care plan as well, and her file is with me.
Ginger

@auntieoakley Grateful you shared about this role you have played in your family. I, too, was unofficially designated this role in my family. Now they have all passed on and I do not have anyone left to step into that role for me. I'm hoping a niece and/or a nephew will consent to taking care of important documents, health and financial, but am finding it difficult to connect with them as they are so busy raising families and working lots of hours. I'm in process of updating will to a trust; even the elder care attorney hired has not conversed with me much...hoping she will do so before I pay and sign everything. Trying to read through a copy of trust just left me overwhelmed. The medical part I understand. Probate I understand having helped a parent with that. The passing on of assets - if there are any left - is stressful in trying to determine percentages, who gets what, etc, who to name to what roles. Overwhelmed.
Thank you for sharing your approach with your father too. When my father-in-law was admitted to a nursing home and placed on hospice, as keeper of his advanced directive, I asked to have his meds discontinued as recommended by the hospitalist when discharged from hospital. Hospice nurses called me on more than one occasion wanting to start back his BP med, his thyroid med, meds for diabetes. But he had stage IV kidney disease and all the meds and not enough fluids had taken toll on his kidneys (he was 90). And he was adamant many times before being hospitalized on many occasions saying I do not want to live in a nursing home. So I defended his choices, but felt I was the "bad cop" every time I would get a call from hospice. That was really difficult. I stuck to my guns for him and honored his wishes, but boy it was tough.