hello @lioness,
You have the right goal in mind- sharing your wishes with loved ones who can help make sure those wishes are known in the event you are unable to express them yourself. When people have shared that they are having trouble bringing up the topic or attempted to, but loved ones weren’t ready, I encouraged them to find an opportunity to elaborate on a situation seen in a television program, movie, or current event. You would think that it would or should be somber but it doesn't have to; it just needs to be a way for that individual to relate to & understand the importance of starting the talk now. It may be taking the focus off you and asking an adult child if they ever thought about the care they would want or not want in the event they couldn't express it for themselves.

I used an episode from the old “ER” program to help my husband & adult daughter understand better. It is a serious portrayal of a woman who suffers a stroke-from the patient’s perspective. Youtube has a clip that contains two brief back-to-back clips (watch them both). It is dated & a little fuzzy but the message is crystal clear. It is called- “ER” Alone in a Crowd (Cynthia Nixon).

Linda- SOns are very funny about talking about the death of their mom. One time my son told me that he would lock me in a closet when I said that I didn't want to be put in a nursing home. lol Or, don't worry you aren't going anywhere for a very long time!

If your son still can't handle what you need to tell him then write it all down and make sure that his wife has a copy, along with all of your legal papers. Would that work?