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Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?
Cancer: Managing Symptoms | Last Active: 18 hours ago | Replies (289)Comment receiving replies
Hi @nutmeg56 I am sorry to read of your diagnosis and I certainly wish you all the best on your journey!
Your post struck a chord with me. My wife and I struggled greatly with several of her doctors who had her as a patient. It's kind of a litany, but I remember we walked out of the first surgeon's office to seek a second opinion more due to his lack of empathy than anything else. My wife's GP for many, many years was so divorced from her emotional needs that we also left her practice. While my wife's surgeon was extremely good at explaining the surgery part of things to her and us, we found that was the extent of his desire to interact with her. He saw his job as surgery and not follow-up or emotional care, etc. I quickly lost track of how many specialists and subspecialists we saw, who were good at their jobs, but didn't really focus on what my wife needed most -- supportive medical care. It wasn't until we connected with the doctor who became her 14+ year neuro-oncologist who looked at her needs as a whole person and not just as a person with a disease. He remains a personal friend to this day. He understood sometimes my wife needed an ear to listen to her as much as an adjustment on one of her dozen meds or the explanation of her recent MRI. He even understood I, as the caregiver, needed that ear for advice and support at times, too.
All this said I heartily applaud you for knowing what you need in your care and, while it takes extra energy to do so, be committed to finding the right kind of supportive medical care you need! It can be worth it! It sure was for my wife.
Also, I discovered the benefits can flow both ways. Not long ago that neuro-oncologist told me he has adjusted how he treats patients differently now based on what HE learned from my wife.
Continued Strenth, Courage, & Peace
Replies to "Hi @nutmeg56 I am sorry to read of your diagnosis and I certainly wish you all..."
So, Scott, you wife got lucky twice. The first time in having you as her husband and, years later, finding a doctor who understands healing in its multiple facets.
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Wow, that is wonderful. Doctors should learn from their patients. We should never stop learning. Drs. can certainly learn from their patients. Things are always changing and I know it must be difficult to work with a patient for a long period of time and then they die. Dealing with cancer they are going to lose patients. Other specialties don't deal with death like cancer surgeons. Oral cancer has a 52 or 53% survival rate so they lose a lot of patients. There hasn't been as much research on it as other cancers. They know a lot less.
Everyone knows about breast cancer, prostate cancer,
thyroid cancer, etc. But not much about oral cancer. I certainly didn't. I don't smoke or drink, which are the main risk factors. It's hard to find a doctor that has the right bedside manner. It can take so little to make a big difference. My first cancer surgery I was a wreck. I hate anesthesia. I am afraid I will not wake up. When the anesthesiologist came over to ask his questions he saw I was nervous. He put in the line, and said don't worry, you're going to be ok. I'm going to take care of you. And he patted me on the arm. It made such a huge difference. I felt safe. Such a small thing can make such a big difference. Only takes a minute.
Maybe they think what matters is doing the surgery successfully. Not so much the emotional side of things.
For me I need both. I'mean glad your wife found someone who can empathize and also treat the disease. I think my doctor feels there should be professional boundaries. On the other hand before my first surgery he gave me his cell number so I could call him if I had questions.
And at the first appointment he said I should call him by his first name. I have called or texted him quite a few times and he usually gets back to me very quickly. I've never had a doctor do that.
I think sometimes I expect too much. More than I deserve.
I'mean afraid if I address the issue he will tell me to find another doctor.
I hope your wife
keeps improving. Having a caring husband like you is a blessing. I hope I get to chat with her one day soon. Take care. Eliza