Annie, I am so sorry for your loss. I have asked several times whether this could be related to my pretty severe and wide-spread nerve issues... e.g. could it be myeloma, but both cancer surgeon and spine surgeon say "no".... I still wonder. My biggest problem is that due to my pacemaker I cannot have MRIs! But I will ask cancer surgeon again on Thursday....

I have a friend who lost her new husband (after being divorced and single for over twenty years) to melanoma. And it might have been avoided had a dermatologist years earlier just taken more tissue according to the oncologists at M.D. Anderson who later tried to save her husband's life. The melanoma was on his back and he had no cosmetic concerns about a slightly bigger scar. But Anderson, upon reviewing the original biopsy, said the tumor clean margins were substandard. And rogue cells were likely left behind. From a tumor showing very aggressive cancer.

I had a lumlectomy last fall at Cleveland Clinic and, just before the surgery, told the surgeon to feel free to take out enough tissue to ensure nice wide clean margins and I'd deal with any scarring later. And I didn't relax until I saw the biopsy results that showed them.

I'm sorry for your loss and the panoply of conflicting thoughts that must accompany it. I have good doctors but it took a lot of time and research to find each of them. Doctors are used to a lofty societal status but they are only people who chose a career in medicine. And the skill levels, as in any occupation, range from mediocre to excellent. So I agree that we need to assume a kind of guardianship of our own health and be very involved in its caretaking.