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Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?
Cancer: Managing Symptoms | Last Active: Oct 31 4:04pm | Replies (272)Comment receiving replies
This is so very true. I was diagnosed with oral cancer 10/2020. Three operations so far. When I first found out I cried. My dr. was kind, said "I know this is devastating". But now I feel he doesn't see the emotional side. The worry & fear. I had a lot of anxiety before the first surgery and after talking about it a few times he said I should speak to a therapist. I was doing that already. I thought I could tell him how nervous I was; I wanted empathy. Just to let me know he understands. Even a pat on the arm and saying I'm going to do everything I can. That would make a big difference. I know he is doing everything he can; but hearing the words can make a difference when you're so frightened.
Replies to "This is so very true. I was diagnosed with oral cancer 10/2020. Three operations so far...."
Hi @nutmeg56 I am sorry to read of your diagnosis and I certainly wish you all the best on your journey!
Your post struck a chord with me. My wife and I struggled greatly with several of her doctors who had her as a patient. It's kind of a litany, but I remember we walked out of the first surgeon's office to seek a second opinion more due to his lack of empathy than anything else. My wife's GP for many, many years was so divorced from her emotional needs that we also left her practice. While my wife's surgeon was extremely good at explaining the surgery part of things to her and us, we found that was the extent of his desire to interact with her. He saw his job as surgery and not follow-up or emotional care, etc. I quickly lost track of how many specialists and subspecialists we saw, who were good at their jobs, but didn't really focus on what my wife needed most -- supportive medical care. It wasn't until we connected with the doctor who became her 14+ year neuro-oncologist who looked at her needs as a whole person and not just as a person with a disease. He remains a personal friend to this day. He understood sometimes my wife needed an ear to listen to her as much as an adjustment on one of her dozen meds or the explanation of her recent MRI. He even understood I, as the caregiver, needed that ear for advice and support at times, too.
All this said I heartily applaud you for knowing what you need in your care and, while it takes extra energy to do so, be committed to finding the right kind of supportive medical care you need! It can be worth it! It sure was for my wife.
Also, I discovered the benefits can flow both ways. Not long ago that neuro-oncologist told me he has adjusted how he treats patients differently now based on what HE learned from my wife.
Continued Strenth, Courage, & Peace
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@nutmeg56 When we have a diagnosis that makes us feel unstable and emotionally leaves us drained, it's the little things that mean so much, don't you agree?
All through Covid-19, my oncologist kept a safe distance, fist bumps at best. Imagine my surprise and delight when he gave me quick hug last week! The sought-after words and a connection can indeed make a difference. Is there a support group through your cancer center or in your area that can provide you needed interaction?
Ginger