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Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Dec 30, 2022 | Replies (290)

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@billchitwood

Yesterday was a hard day. Getting ready for the move. I commented to Bill about the A/C guy and agent being there earlier and he couldn't remember anyone in the house - even when I explained who they were and that he had talked to them - no clue. Then later he announced that since I didn't love him he was going to move in with his son in Utah (who has indicated that he can't take care of his Dad). The reason I don't love him, according to him, is that I didn't stay next to him all day and talk to him. Actually I was near him most of the time. Moving does require work however. His 'you don't love me' is coming up on almost a daily basis. He has also started talking in his sleep most nights now. Oh, and he said that when he is outside lately he hears people talking about his sister being sick (she died years ago). He had me go outside to listen. I did hear a couple of birds so guessing that is what he heard.

I have no idea of how to reassure him. It only works for a short while.

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Replies to "Yesterday was a hard day. Getting ready for the move. I commented to Bill about the..."

Hi @billchitwood Julie. Scott here. Sounds like yesterday was indeed a tougher one than most!

I know each patient and their journey is unique, but here is what I did with my wife. First, I continually told myself it was her disease talking and not her. This at least helped me manage some of the disappointments during our "conversations". Second I found myself using a tremendous amount of noncommittal responses to my wife's ideas, suggestions, desires, etc. I can' tell you how many times I would respond "that's interesting, honey". I also found myself stopping my attempts at trying to reason with her as reason and logic were no longer in her repertoire. I also had to give up trying to help her remember since that ability was also unavailable to her.

Again, not for everybody, but I kept an old feather pillow on our sofa, which became my late-night place to muffle my crying and that I could also punch to relieve my frustrations on the really bad days.

Strength, Courage, & Peace