In 2001 I went over the handlebars of my bicycle. Since then, my pain has gotten worse. I'm now going to a spine and pain center where I only see a doctor once a year and last year doesn't count. With pre-authorization problems and pharmacists looking at me like I'm a druggie looking for my next hit, I found myself last month without a way of getting my pain meds.

The pain was horrendous and if my mom hadn't died several years ago, leaving some pain meds behind, I would have been in a serious bind. Pain levels were skyrocketing and no one was taking it seriously except me. Even our doctors don't often take us seriously! And I'm not kidding in the least when I say on this occasion on a one to ten level, my pain was a sixteen. Had I not been able to find a way to get meds, my goal wouldn't have been to find an alternative doctor, but to find a good undertaker!

Before I retired from federal service in 2006, I worked at NIH, and one day I was shooting the breeze with the head of the Pain and Paliative Care Department at the Clinical Center (who didn't know my situation), I asked him how people in the 1700-1800s dealt with horrible chronic pain, he didn't say a word, nor did he smile. He just looked at me, took his hand and, extending the thumb and small finger of his right hand, tipped it up like he was drinking something. Then he turned the same hand into a pistol, pointed it to the side of his head and released the hammer, which was his extended thumb.

It clearly was something he'd done before, and it wasn't lost on me!

I've only been in pain that serious twice before. Once when I couldn't get my pain meds, as mentioned, and the other when I had serious abdominal cramps and couldn't find relief. Both times I seriously considered suicide.

People often don't take people like me seriously until we're on a slab with with a toe tag. And I've met others like myself. Like the woman who barely survived an incident where her parachute barely opened in time, or the guy who was struck by lightning as he was setting up a live television feed. Or the dad who was doing some electrical work in his bathroom and was knocked into his bathtub and had a near death experience (fortunately he made a full recovery). We're out there and we need to be taken seriously.

Damn seriously!

About fifteen years ago I looked into a pain pump, but the doctors couldn't find the right place on my spine, but now I'm ready to try again. But I'd like to hear your success stories and your stories of failure. As they used to say, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat!

Thanks!