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Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Dec 30, 2022 | Replies (290)

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We are putting our home on the market and plan on moving in with our daughter. Bill wants to sell (that isn't the problem) but he doesn't want to live with anyone other than me. He keeps saying he only has a short time left (has CKD stage 3) - but buying another home and then needing to make another change doesn't make sense. He wants me to live with daughter if he goes before me - and if I go first he would live with her rather than go into a nursing home. Robin's husband had major dementia problems so is well aware of what she is facing (which I hate putting her through again). As it is I have to do everything for both house and yard - spent the weekend tree trimming - we have a large yard area and an HOA that demands perfection. Trying to keep finances afloat!

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Replies to "We are putting our home on the market and plan on moving in with our daughter...."

@Julie Chitwood
I think moving in with your daughter is best for him and you ... just convincing Bill or just telling him like I did my Mama when she had to come live with us .. it is the only best choice we have.

Frank, my husband helped me as caretaker with my mama for two years. My health is not good .. and lost a lot of weight in that time, but back up now. It is important to take care of yourself. Maybe Bill will understand that you need help. Mama's insurance did not pay for people to come in and help with baths and such. PT they did pay for to come to the house. Frank found pull-ups that would do Mama most nights. .. she got to where she would fall trying to get to her potty chair .. I have a bum hand and putting diapers on her was a big pain.

Was Bill a writer of mysteries? Before all my health issues got so bad I was going to read a murder mystery and I think I remember one of your husband's books as a choice.. but long ago and I may be remembering wrong. I cannot pay attention for long anymore.. so leave my reading to short stories and poems.

Oh .. you mentioned genealogy in one of your post as an interest. My husband, Frank (on Ancestry as Lewis Goff) is a dna match to a Julie Chitwood… are you the same one?


We sold and then closed on our home this past Monday and are now with our daughter. Just before the move Bill fell in the bathroom - took over a half hour to manage to get him on his feet. This afternoon he refused to use the walk in shower and used the one in the tub - needless to say, he fell trying to get out of the tub. He has conceded that he will use the walk in from now on. At least he has agreed as of the moment. Will take a lot of adjusting. Daughter Robin is doing a fantastic job of making him feel comfortable (she went through it with her husband and he had his bladder removed due to cancer - which they regretted as it didn't really extend his life but made the rest of it an agony). Fortunately, once again, no broken bones or gashes. Not even any scrapes like last time.