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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Mar 17 6:30pm | Replies (762)Comment receiving replies
My husband passed away last month from Alzheimer’s. The thing that will stick in my mind for the rest of my days happened a month before he died. He had been put on trazodone to help him sleep. But the first three nights he was on it had the exact opposite effect - he was up most if not all night, wandering around the house. On the third night, he was in the bathroom, where he actually zipped the commode lid off and then wanted to remove the tank lid. I feared he would drop it and it would break and I had to physically block him from it. At some point during this, I had had it. I lost sight of the fact that he was not doing this to make me mad. And that’s when I screamed, “I hate you!” It was the reaction of a child mad at her mother because she won’t let her have a piece of candy, not an adult. Now I have to live with this.
Replies to "My husband passed away last month from Alzheimer’s. The thing that will stick in my mind..."
I found myself doing the same thing; at that moment it is impossible to act in a calm manner. My husband certainly forgot all about it quickly. We are just human. I'd say bless you for caring for him and be easier on yourself. We when signed on, full of love and hope for the future, we never could have seen this as our future.
Don't burden yourself with that. At sometime we've probably all said or at least thought the same during a fight. And if he even understood it at the time it would have 'floated away' and been forgotten. It is so hard to stop and think, 'this isn't really him talking/acting, especially when there are more good days than bad.
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@maestro20810 My husband has Alzheimer's. I noticed changes in him four years ago and we received a diagnosis in 2019. So far, I've been fortunate. He has a good disposition and sleeps at night. He's been out of the house for a month as he broke his hip, had surgery, and was in rehab for a month. He comes home today and will need someone with him 24/7. That starts with me.
Please don't beat yourself up over a remark made in anger when you were at your breaking point. Odds are your husband forgot it. The care and concern you gave him through the years speak volumes over one remark made when you were at you wit's end. Your husband knew you loved him. Take some breaths, remember all the kindnesses you showed him, and forgive yourself for being human. I wish you the best.