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Is Low Diastolic Blood Pressure common with Stage 3 or 4 CKD?
Kidney & Bladder | Last Active: Nov 10 10:13am | Replies (160)Comment receiving replies
He doesn't like anyone else here - no friends anymore as he always has an excuse. He has asked the kids not to come often or stay long as he isn't up to it. When they do visit, like recently from Vegas, he stays in his recliner and watches TV. Won't join us for meals and most definitely won't go out. He made fast work of the Home health people that our doctor set up. He always has been solitary inclined but now it is really bad.
But lately he has decided he should drive somewhere on his own. NO WAY! Not only driving not safe but he probably wouldn't find his way home and doesn't have an easy time with a phone. Like we couldn't get through to him yesterday. He does check his email but won't when I'm out so I can't reach him that way. And he probably wouldn't answer the door if I asked a neighbor to check on him. I think he wants to make it so there is no way I won't worry about him if I'm gone, which means short or limited trips. Game playing.
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Julie, I hate to repeat, but yesterday proves that you are at the point where you and your kids need to make some HARD decisions, with or without Bill's participation. You think you are doing okay, but the two of you are one fall, illness or household accident from a serious problem, or more likely, an emergency decision. I wish I could sit beside you on the couch and talk about this, but that's not possible. I have been where you are, not as the spouse, but as daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, grand daughter, neighbor to a couple with no other family. Trust me, an uncomfortable transition with choices is better than an emergency transition. A few weeks of discomfort is better than you and the kids living with regret if something bad happens that you might have been able to avoid.
Explain your days and nights (completely & unedited) to the kids and have them help you make a plan and approach Bill with the options. Keep a journal for a week if you must - every accident, episode of unreasonable anger, full day of refusing food, liquids or medicine, night time wandering or wakefulness... First, read it yourself and see how many stresses, angry outbursts, hard decisions, interruptions and losses of rest you face every day and night. Then show it to the kids, and have a frank discussion. Put it like this "If I was fully unable to care for Dad tomorrow, and I needed help too, what would we do?"
Work together to make a specific plan to begin now, maybe regularly scheduled help from the kids or grandkids, or an agency. A way for you to rest at least a night or two a week without "one ear open", an agreement that Bill will allow someone to stay with him when you go out, so you don't have to worry. Maybe someone to do the laundry, shopping or cleaning so you can have a little sit down time, maybe a pharmacy that sets up both of your meds in blister packs so you don't need to mess with all those bottles - just follow the printed schedule... Then someone needs to explain that for both of you - either you (Julie) get regular, scheduled help & respite, or he needs to go to a care facility. Let Bill rage, growl, pout, whatever, and you can cry too, if it helps.
But please, don't wait for an emergency. I am worried about both of you.
Sue