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@sueinmn

Julie, I am going to say the very hard thing today. Now that your kids have witnessed the decline, and you are not going to be in the same room at night, is it time to figure out the "next step." I am worried about you, your health and your safety.

If the two of you are not already past being safe at home alone, the day is coming. Have you discussed, with Bill or the kids, what you will do? Daily in home help? Kids or grandkids coming to help (not just visit) - either one or platooning? Respite care so you can rest? Full time care in a facility?

Can you initiate this discussion? And if it is too hard for you to do alone, can you get some help from a pastor or social worker?
Please, let me know what you are planning to keep you both safe!

Sue

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Replies to "Julie, I am going to say the very hard thing today. Now that your kids have..."

Two years ago when we moved back to Phoenix from KY the kids had a frank discussion - first with each other and then with me. I had been clueing them in, although at that time we didn't know about the CKD - that came shortly afterwards. In early Jan 2020 he was diagnosed with Stage 3 at the cusp of a&b. Since then he has bounced around that area - in and out of b (currently has been in b for a couple of tests.

They decided that they didn't want either of us ever in a nursing home and that since Robin lives about 6 miles away when the time came she would either move in with us or we would move to her place. Have talked to our doctor about decisions as well. He is thinking palliative care but Bill is resisting and doing a good job of showtime.

He was willing to give up driving 2 years ago. Last week he wanted to drive to McDs which is two blocks away. I talked him into letting me drive. He tried giving directions and would have been completely lost.

He is extremely reluctant to share homes. His objection now is Robin has 3 cats - we have one. He has never been good with people around him.

At the moment Robin is close enough to be here within 10 minutes. Her school has been alerted so if I call they will find her immediately and take over her class. Also have one son and lots of grandkids fairly near by (45 minute drive). Our neighbors are also aware of his health problems and have offered their help whenever needed. Anyone who shows up on my doorstep the day of moving in with a box of See's candy is a 'winning' neighbor!

My biggest thing is I have to keep myself out of arms reach. And keep reminding him.

He is basically at a stage where he is good enough to feel like he can do things himself and make decisions. That sort of in between stage - more good than bad days in a way.

Any suggestions welcomed. All help very thankful for - sometimes just being able to rant is a great thing!