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Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer
Cancer | Last Active: Jun 18, 2023 | Replies (508)Comment receiving replies
Thank you so much for this discussion. It mirrors things for many of us and it helps to put an okay on our individual choices. Sending the best wishes to you. How is your husband dealing with things? I have pancreatic cancer that is now in the liver and when we got the news my husband said if I die, he will die as well. There is so much to live for, for both of us but certainly that he carries on. I do not mention it much but am trying to get everything in order. I do want to talk with him about any service and cremation details but am waiting. I will tell my children but really I need him to hear me without the "I will follow you". Any suggestions? I am fighting this disease but am realistic that I may lose the fight some day.
Replies to "Thank you so much for this discussion. It mirrors things for many of us and it..."
My husband and Adult daughter are are aware and supportive of my directives. Having had parents that shared theirs with us we were able to plan and grieve knowing what they wanted, this was a blessing. We all reach an end in our life, discussing it doesn't cause it but it can bring another level of intimacy. It's great that you have your daughters to hear your requests as your husband may not be receptive at this time. Letters are another way to express your thoughts for him, for when he may be more open to them. Wishing you peace, Jen
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Hi bb, I can understand your apprehension in talking about end-of-life planning for yourself when your husband counters with “I will follow you.” Might you be able to turn that into planning for both of you? It’s never too soon to talk about best endings and share one’s wishes with loved ones. You could discuss his wishes as well as yours.
Planning best endings is never easy, but it's an invaluable gift to your loved ones. These discussions can be among the richest and most intimate that friends and family share.
This conversation starter kit might help give you some ideas on how to start the conversation.
https://theconversationproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/ConversationProject-ConvoStarterKit-English.pdf
I think the challenge might be to discuss things constructively. Do you think it might help to talk about him first?