Hi Deb, welcome to the group. I read in your profile bio that you lost your husband of 23 years only recently (this past March) and that you feel very much alone. I totally understand how large the house can feel when you're by yourself, the kids far away and how overwhelming to deal with upkeep, repairs and finances.

It reminds me of my mom's situation when my Dad passed. My Dad always took care of things around the house. He liked to see things before they needed repairing. At the same time, he left many projects "almost" done. When he was gone, several things fell into unexpected disrepair (not his fault): the furnace broke, a leak in the roof, and something else that I don't remember. Things seemed to happen in three's. My mom said through tears, "I know I can pull myself together and handle these things, but I don't want to."

I tell you all this, first to let you know you're not alone. And secondly because your story triggered this memory. This was 7 years ago and I see how strong and resourceful my mom is today. Does she miss him? Yes. Does she like doing the things he took care of? No. But now she has found friends and neighbors that support her and help her, and she in turns helps and supports others.

Navigating first holidays are especially hard. Will your children be able to visit for the holidays?