← Return to Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?

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@lindakbe

Your reply comforted me; your question challenged me. My biggest concern is that she will suffer needlessly because she is not diagnosed. I ache that she may be crying for hours, alone and bewildered with her mind unraveling. Sometimes she tells me how upsetting it is to not be able to do what she used to do. But then sometimes, actually most of the time that she is acting unlike her old self she seems to think she is okay and it is me that is lacking. I just don't know to navigate this path; I am walking it with a blindfold on. Will waiting until things get so bad enough that she realizes she needs help be a better course of action if trying to urge her to get medical help makes her so upset? I just don't know what to do. Thank you all for being there.

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Replies to "Your reply comforted me; your question challenged me. My biggest concern is that she will suffer..."

Hi, @lindakbe I agree with you. Caregiving, or caring for someone, often leaves us walking blindfolded. I have never met anyone who was ever prepared to be a caregiver. We get no training, no manual, no job description, just finding ourselves in the water and trying our best to swim.

One of the biggest challenges to me was realizing much of what I witnessed in my wife was not her, but her disease acting, speaking, reacting, etc. to her world. I always said in my life I was married to one woman, but two people. My wife was in charge of the first person, her disease was in charge of the second. I doubt most of the years, my wife ever realized that her world was entirely different than before. That said, except for a tiny few times, my wife never realized her changes, so your friend might not either. I had to watch for those times/things that were dangerous and take the reins to avoid harm or catastrophe. The toughest might have been when I had to take the car keys away. With my MIL she never realized she thought the UPS man was her husband or that the sidewalk was not the street. Others had to gently guide her from those mistakes, but she was never aware of the 'mistakes' she was making. Her disease had robbed her of that ability.

It is hard to navigate and differentiate when the disease is in control.

Might your friend's doctor be able to help her with this during a 'regular' physical?

Strength, Courage, & Peace