happy2bhere, thank you very much for those kind suggestions and the accompanying encouragement. I will keep the flashlight idea in mind. I understand your commenting that you wouldn't notice your husband entering a room because you can't hear him, then bam…! Or is it more like "BAM!"? It's weird, but I startle very easily. Sometimes when I'm working on something in my study, intensely focused on what I'm doing, suddenly (or shall I say, "BAM!"), I am jolted by my wife standing next to me asking me something! I almost fly out of my seat! Thankfully, she is working on alleviating this problem by gently tapping on the door with her fingernails as she enters the room, which produces a gentle sound alarm effect.

About your #2 and #3 comments: I agree with you! Griping, harsh words, angry glances -- they just don't work. They hurt. It really needs to stop if we're going to make any progress.

Regrettably, the ongoing consensus seems to be that I'm the problem. I could describe the latest hurtful episode, but it might be perceived as venting. It's so sad, but I'm afraid my hearing loss is destroying a family that was once filled with love. I have tried to do my part to keep things running in our household; I'm not perfect, but I try to do the right things. I nevertheless feel like the "odd man out," and I'm running out of positive options.

We've been trying to work things out, but I currently don't see much hope for success. The dilemma faced by hard-of-hearing folks like me is, while we TRY to lower our voices, we inevitably end up forgetting ourselves during conversations and the volume gets higher without our noticing any changes. My wife and daughter then make me feel as though I'm deliberately ditching my agreement to speak more softly. This scenario reminds me of these phone calls I've made to tech support when I end up speaking with someone outside of the USA. They're always polite, but they often speak so fast I can't keep up, which means I don't understand how to follow their instructions. So I ask them to please s-l-o-w d-o-w-n, and for about two minutes they speak slowly enough for me to follow along; however, they subconsiously end up resuming their fast pace and I once again find myself asking them to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. I know they don't intentionally speak fast -- that's just they way they've been either trained or conditioned to speak, and it's not easy to make adjustments like that. I get it, especially when I find out I've raised my volume (again!). But it's not intentional and the offender shouldn't be made to feel like he or she is doing it on purpose.

As an example of what things are currently like in my life: Our grandchildren, who only live a few miles from us, were over for a recent visit and my wife put on a movie for them to watch. One convenience we have is a pair of headsets that can be worn by those who want to hear the TV/movie better. So my wife set the volume at what she felt is the proper volume, which required my putting on my headset, even with my hearing aids on. During the movie, one of our grandchildren told me she couldn't hear what the characters were saying. It was only THEN that the volume was turned up.

Our son has also brought over a movie or two for us to all watch together, and my wife has allowed him to take charge of setting things up, including the volume. The way he sets the volume, I had NO PROBLEM hearing anything and there was no need to even wear a headset. Strangely, no one complained that it was too loud. But if I put on a movie when it's just the three of us, you can bet I'd better not set the volume as loud as my son does! Thoughts such as "double standard" DO enter my brain, and it saddens me! Even when I pointed out this double standard, it was dismissed.

I support your call for "positive calm," but it's not easy when you open yourself up for criticism by even speaking. My only current solution is to try to be pleasant while limiting the words I speak because I've been told that when I speak, I hurt my daughter's ears.

Thanks again for your encouragement! I wish you the best with your hearing challenges!