Thank you Amanda for your reply and your words of encouragement. I will be giving that number a ring and hopefully a successful outcome will pass from it. I am at my wits end. I truly am.

I have felt this way before yes since the age of 8 y/o. I tried ending my life using my father's pistol. But the pistol kept jamming. Instead of my grandmother asking me what was wrong and why I was doing it, I got the hiding of my life that day twice, both from her and then from my father. No one asked me if I needed help.

To your last question, I drowned myself in my work and worked till late into the evening, distracting myself so that I didn't have the time to crash or fall victim to my mixed states, but as usual it eventually caught up to me and was hospitalized for 6 months after breaking my back at work due to the stress and pressure I eventually put my manic under that my body could no longer handle anymore. I had ronlearn how to walk again. I lost my job after then.

Thank you for your kind and caring reply it means alot to me.