1. < Mental Health

14 weeks manic and suicidal

Posted by blutitanium @blutitanium, Oct 20, 2021

Hi guys

I really don't know how to start this off because my life has never given me a break from the moment I turned 4 y/o being raped and having to earn a living to support my family at the age of 11y/o to loosing half of my family in a car accident at 19 y/o to adopting my cousins who were guardians to us in the accident and becoming a responsible parent to them and the rest of my siblings and holding 3 jobs all the while not knowing I was undiagnosed with bipolar 1 since the age of 14. As I was told I had an attitude problem with add and OCD and anxiety.

As an adult I didn't not know how to love as I was not given it as a child and I fell deep into the wrong type of relationships such as narcissistic, sociopathic, manipulative, psychopathic and physical abusive ones. The last one physically abused me so badly that he broke my ribs my collarbone, my nose and my right arm. My adrenaline somehow picked me up and I ran from that relationship. I still havnt pressed charges because I am still recovering from the manic episode he put me into 14 weeks ago and now I'm slipping into mixed states where I feel suicidal and I honestly just don't want to live anymore and weirdly enough I have accepted that and I am happy about it as my life hasn't been any joy since I can last remember it to be.

I have been admitted into a psychiatric hospital for 21 days but my ex still haunted me through it eve though I asked for protection but that didn't stop him. So I never really got the help I needed. My meds gave doubled for three months now and nothing has changed and I have a sensitive body to medication so I can't just take any type of medication prescribed to me. The next alternative is ketamine injections does anyone know anything about this?

Blessings

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Amanda Burnett | @amandaa | Oct 20, 2021

Hi @blutitaniumand welcome.

First, let me start by saying how truly sorry I am about the hardships you have had to endure throughout your life. You are definitely not alone and Connect is a nonjudgmental safe place where you can share your feelings of what you are going through and connect with other members who may be experiencing something similar. I know that @audriana, @mandrake70 and @happy2bhear have all had discussions or comments about depression, anxiety or ketamine injections. Perhaps they can share what they know about the medication and the feelings they have had too.

I want to share a number with you in case feel like you need someone to talk to right now:
- Call or text 988
- Chat with a counsellor at https://988lifeline.org/chat/
Chat is available 24/7 across the U.S. You don't need your phone. You can chat on your computer.

Have you felt this way before? How did your feelings change the last time you felt despair like this?

REPLY
1 reply
mandrake70 | @mandrake70 | Oct 20, 2021

Hi @blutitanium I have had ketamine infusions for the past two years. I can honestly say it is like a light switch in your head. The infusions work on about 80% of the people that go through the series. I am one of the lucky ones. If you have tried other options and nothing worked, this might be a solution. The nasal version is covered by insurance but the IV isn't currently. There has been some talk about it being covered soon so I keep hoping. Spervato uses one of the ketamine molecules instead of both so there is a chemical difference. If Spervato doesn't work, ketamine infusion still might. If you have other questions, please let me know.
I hope things get better for you.

REPLY
1 reply
blutitanium | @blutitanium | Oct 21, 2021
In reply to @amandaa "Hi @blutitaniumand welcome. First, let me start by saying how truly sorry I am about the..." + (show)
@amandaa

Hi @blutitaniumand welcome.

First, let me start by saying how truly sorry I am about the hardships you have had to endure throughout your life. You are definitely not alone and Connect is a nonjudgmental safe place where you can share your feelings of what you are going through and connect with other members who may be experiencing something similar. I know that @audriana, @mandrake70 and @happy2bhear have all had discussions or comments about depression, anxiety or ketamine injections. Perhaps they can share what they know about the medication and the feelings they have had too.

I want to share a number with you in case feel like you need someone to talk to right now:
- Call or text 988
- Chat with a counsellor at https://988lifeline.org/chat/
Chat is available 24/7 across the U.S. You don't need your phone. You can chat on your computer.

Have you felt this way before? How did your feelings change the last time you felt despair like this?

Jump to this post

Thank you Amanda for your reply and your words of encouragement. I will be giving that number a ring and hopefully a successful outcome will pass from it. I am at my wits end. I truly am.

I have felt this way before yes since the age of 8 y/o. I tried ending my life using my father's pistol. But the pistol kept jamming. Instead of my grandmother asking me what was wrong and why I was doing it, I got the hiding of my life that day twice, both from her and then from my father. No one asked me if I needed help.

To your last question, I drowned myself in my work and worked till late into the evening, distracting myself so that I didn't have the time to crash or fall victim to my mixed states, but as usual it eventually caught up to me and was hospitalized for 6 months after breaking my back at work due to the stress and pressure I eventually put my manic under that my body could no longer handle anymore. I had ronlearn how to walk again. I lost my job after then.

Thank you for your kind and caring reply it means alot to me.

REPLY
1 reply
blutitanium | @blutitanium | Oct 21, 2021
In reply to @mandrake70 "Hi @blutitanium I have had ketamine infusions for the past two years. I can honestly say..." + (show)
@mandrake70

Hi @blutitanium I have had ketamine infusions for the past two years. I can honestly say it is like a light switch in your head. The infusions work on about 80% of the people that go through the series. I am one of the lucky ones. If you have tried other options and nothing worked, this might be a solution. The nasal version is covered by insurance but the IV isn't currently. There has been some talk about it being covered soon so I keep hoping. Spervato uses one of the ketamine molecules instead of both so there is a chemical difference. If Spervato doesn't work, ketamine infusion still might. If you have other questions, please let me know.
I hope things get better for you.

Jump to this post

Hi @mandrake70 I will definitely keep this in mind. Is the nasal version painful by any chance? I have heard that on the 3rd day one gets really ill during the administration of ketamine into the body. Is this true? How quickly does ketamine get to work into your system and what can I expect my body to feel afterwards? Thank you kindly for your reply, it is much appreciated.

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mandrake70 | @mandrake70 | Oct 21, 2021

@blutitanium I'm not sure how the nasal version would be painful but I never had that one. I had the IV infusions and, besides the needle to administer the ketamine, there was no pain. During the treatments I got very emotional for the first series. A lot of crying. I will say that part was painful but not physically. I didn't get physically ill but it was rough because of the emotions coming out. Most of the sessions were good though and all and all, very cathartic. The sessions may make you feel better but the overall improvement doesn't really come until all or almost all of the initial sessions are done. So don't start worrying if you aren't feeling better until after the last session. After each session, you will feel pretty tired, both physically and emotionally.

My last 3 month session (I go every three months now for a single treatment) was very nice and I got some good ideas for a story. No ill affects besides being a little dizzy afterwards.

REPLY
Amanda Burnett | @amandaa | Oct 21, 2021
In reply to @blutitanium "Thank you Amanda for your reply and your words of encouragement. I will be giving that..." + (show)
@blutitanium

Thank you Amanda for your reply and your words of encouragement. I will be giving that number a ring and hopefully a successful outcome will pass from it. I am at my wits end. I truly am.

I have felt this way before yes since the age of 8 y/o. I tried ending my life using my father's pistol. But the pistol kept jamming. Instead of my grandmother asking me what was wrong and why I was doing it, I got the hiding of my life that day twice, both from her and then from my father. No one asked me if I needed help.

To your last question, I drowned myself in my work and worked till late into the evening, distracting myself so that I didn't have the time to crash or fall victim to my mixed states, but as usual it eventually caught up to me and was hospitalized for 6 months after breaking my back at work due to the stress and pressure I eventually put my manic under that my body could no longer handle anymore. I had ronlearn how to walk again. I lost my job after then.

Thank you for your kind and caring reply it means alot to me.

Jump to this post

I am so glad you are going to call! And I completely agree with @mandrake70, look into the ketamine whether it is the IV or the nasal spray. I wanted to provide ust a couple more resources for you. Please let us know what the outcome of your research yields!

Ketamine for major depression: New tool, new questions: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/ketamine-for-major-depression-new-tool-new-questions-2019052216673

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service) or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.

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