Wow, Shirley, thank you so much for this more than generous response! I don’t profess to have all the answers but it becomes a little more clear when we’ve faced an event that puts things into perspective I guess.

It’s so much easier going through life thinking we’re immortal, that we have no expiration date. It’s difficult to talk about death and equally hard to talk about a serious illness to someone who isn’t in the same mindset.
Unfortunately, the people we need to hear us, don’t always get the luxury of time until “they” are ready to listen! When we’re gone, there will be a lot of unanswered questions!

I always remember the aha moment I felt when my mom said, “Lori, you have to listen to me! You may think I’m going to live forever but I’m not. Tell me, what are the first 10 things you’d do if I just keeled over tomorrow.” Well, um…sounds of crickets.

That’s a question you could ask your adult kids! If there are things you need to tell them, there is no time like the present. Have them bring over a take-out dinner and tell them you need to have a heart to heart. Explain to them about your COPD and how it’s impacted your life. If that isn’t feasible, write them a long letter or write in a journal daily so that you can share it with them.

Shirley you’re doing great by starting to tackle the little things that you are able to do. As far as asking for help, I can so empathize with you. It’s difficult to go from being that superhero mom who plowed through anything to keep her household running to one now out of energy and feeling a shadow of her former self. But our grown children still see us as we were when they were young. It’s very easy for them to overlook our advancing years and declining health.

It’s important to be direct with them at this point. Being subtle and sending out hints is actually allowing them to continue to ignore the situation. It’s like being in the kitchen on Thanksgiving and hoping someone takes the hint that you need help setting the table and all you hear are people yelling at the tv for the football game!! 🤪

As she got older, my mom was a great one for not directly asking for help but then she’d complain to my sister who lived 1,500 miles away that I didn’t do the right things. I was working, raising a family, PTA, church council, etc. So it was very frustrating for me to have to guess what she needed when all she had to do was say, “Can you clean out the fridge for me? Or, I have a box in the closet that I need to get down off the shelf.” I tried to be very attentive and wanted desperately to help her out but I wasn’t a mind reader. Make me a list!

So Shirley, I say it’s time to cash in those “help” chips! Make a list! It’s not imposing on your children to have them lend a hand. Maybe once or twice a month they or your grandkids can come over to do a little cleaning, stock your freezer with food, run errands for you, do some yard work or wherever you could use assistance. Again, make a list!

I know you’re being respectful of their time but you dropped everything to raise your kids and you worked, ran a household and I bet you took care of your mom and dad too! It’s now your turn to receive some assistance Someday it will be too late and you need a hand now. You might be surprised at their willingness if they get clear requests and not just hints.
What do you think????