I think most people with depression decide for one reason or another to cut back or stop their meds. I did that recently. My decision happened after quite a bit of change and necessary adjustment in my life. Not an ideal time to stop meds. But my executive brain was in charge, and I ignored all other considerations. I was less mindful of my feelings and behavior.

Your account of recent surgery and hospitalization sounds serious and would, in my book, be cause for a lot of mindfulness and self care.

Do you have a friend or family member you can be in touch with as you go through these challenges? Someone who knows your history and can reflect back your best interests? Someone who might say, with all you’re going through, now may not be the time to adjust meds.

I’m 70 y/o and can still fool myself into thinking, aha! I’ll cut back on my meds.

Well, as the saying goes, if you were diabetic, would you cut back on your insulin? I can only say, depression is a slippery slope and I would respect it, be mindful, and find someone, doc, social worker, family, friend, that you can talk to spontaneously (phone, email, text) who will reflect back to you your concerns in a way that helps you make good decisions about your health. I’m on the hunt for a case manager because their advice doesn’t come with any history other than other people with depression.

I do a hummingbird meditation where I listen to 10 minutes of music and breathe in and out my nose, humming to the music as I go. Steadying your breath works wonders. I’ll see if I can find a link for you.

Stay the course and steady as you go ❤️ Suzanne

Hi 👋 I’m trying to post the link to the music. Hope this works. Will get hummingbird breathing to you as well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXEeONm6hy8
Yay it worked 👏

@dianecostella Antidepressants can play a major role in our management of everyday life. I have been on a mild one since July 2020 now, and it is the third time going onto this. As has been described to me before, it evens out the peaks and valleys of my mind-play, and allows me to navigate more safely. It is not something I play around with, and follow the guidelines of my dr, who feels this is a good working solution for me. Along with this medication, there is also a monthly "check-in" as it were, with a psychologist, and I do a lot of journaling, checking in with myself.

There is an ongoing discussion about journaling you might find interesting, and all it takes is a piece of paper and a pen to get started, pretty simple! It is amazing what will flow when you take the censor away from yourself! https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/ Will you consider giving it a try?
Ginger

This situation doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have to take antidepressants the rest of your life. You cut your daily dose down much too quickly. This was the reason for the change in your behavior. Antidepressants must be tapered down very very slowly taking months or even years to get to 0. Cuts are very small until your brain adjusts to each cut. 50 mgs. was just way too much at one time.