Jennifer,
Your words about fear are wise and they resonate with me. I've had countless "pep talks" with myself about fear, read books about fear, but nothing really made sense in a way that it changed my beliefs about fear. I never thought of it as an obstacle blocking my path to the life that I love. I had never considered that many people don't have the luxury of choice, when it comes to being disabled. It IS a gift to have choice. Absolutely. I also found your description of "the road to ability" versus "the road to disability" to be very enlightening. I AM on the road to disability. I had not considered it in those terms, but those terms are truth. I don't know how far down this road I have travelled, but I think that it is time for me to "turn around," so to speak, and go in another direction. What I am doing is NOT working for me. I laughed when I thought about my leprechaun singing. I have imagined him talking, when I had the MRI and he was banging on the tube. I actually told him aloud,"You must not be a very bright leprechaun. You can simply open the door and come in!" I did imagine him muttering in a lovely Irish brogue. I like the idea of the endoscope being a "magic flute." I have already decided to go see 2 other surgeons for advice. I just need to secure an appointment. I also read on your website that you asked your oral surgeon to tell you something about himself that had nothing to do with being an oral surgeon. That approach also makes sense, because we always feel more comfortable putting our trust in someone that we "know." I am rarely fearful when I have a physician/friend perform any procedure for me. I am able to direct my mind more toward the "friend" part of our relationship, than the physician role.Your words are helpful and liberating for me. I definitely will be asking more questions and getting more input from other surgeons. The choices are there, but I must be like my persistent leprechaun from the MRI, and knock on those doors! Thank you for sharing some of your experiences; many lives are touched.