Hello @scared2 I’m sorry that you’re feeling “a total mess” again. Yes, doctors can forget that patients and families hang on every word and make comparisons with other words they have heard. And so much of what is said in health care is a foreign language. Do you use your phone as a recorder so you can replay what was said at a later time? Have you always liked and trusted this Internist (internalist)? He may just be expressing his frustration about your husband’s refusal to quit all this time. And his daughter is expressing her grief/sadness/anger over the cancer and smoking issues also. I’m sure she would like a chance to talk.
Can you call his daughter?

@scared2 Do you have the time to make a cup of tea and relax for 15 minutes? It may help you just look at things. If you can get to the patient portal, look up what the dr said. Ask for specific size of tumors or growths. Just like anything else, different people have different ways to compare things. When will your husband see an oncologist?

Quitting smoking can be a tough thing to do. If he decides to start again, he will be in the majority. Perhaps he will want to try a nicotine patch.

Are you saying he told his daughter about the cancer? If she isn't talking to him, she may be processing this news, and struggling with her emotions. It's never easy to hear a parent has a bad illness, you know. Give her time, and I hope he does, also. Hopefully, she come around soon.

Take care of yourself, too.
Ginger