Hi Viola. I too have that problem where I cannot stop once I start, and for the exact reason of feeding that feeling of feeling good, mentioned in Collen’s reply below. I also don’t remember the next day and then don’t even want to look at my phone in fear of what I might have said to people. Yesterday marked 18 days completely alcohol free for me. Before then, I had never tried to abstain. I was drinking every other day or every other, other day (some days more than others) and the day or days in between was usually a recovery day or a day where I was telling myself just don’t drink... I grew tired of the anxiety and shame the next day that was caused by excessive alcohol use. It’s been a trying 18 days to say the least, but I keep reminding myself if I just have one drop, I’d be opening the Hoover dam, and that I do not want. I understand everyone is different, but what’s working for me (at least right now) is realizing and remembering that just one drink always (always!) leads to many more and will turn me into someone I would not like if I was sober. I know I can’t just have one, so I’m not even going to try to convince myself one or two will be OK in a social setting. I remind myself I like the alcohol free me way better than the inebriated me, and not having to worry about what I did or said the night before is a huge relief. Thank you for sharing. You are not alone!