Nancy I don't want people to think that I'm a Polyanna and have my head in the clouds. I was very sick for a very long time. I felt hopeless and without any possibility of recovery. I've always had a creative mind, but when I couldn't cook for myself, and my husband poor dear, was putting on awful meals (he is not a cook), and we humbly ate what was in front of us, I saw no hope. He insisted every day, as sick as I was that I get up, get dressed and he helped me out of the house into the car and we would go for take out food for lunch. I had just enough humility to be grateful. We would sit overlooking the ocean, the lake, the mountains, and eat our take out food often in the car during Covid. I dive an 18 year old car, and I love it. It suits me. I'd say to. m y friend...my car looks like a dirty diner. We'd talk about how grateful we are to still be together at 84 & 85. Some days I could barely dress myself, so I know what the people on this site are experiencing. My kids knew we were going out every day, and we just acted like we were not feeling great if they came to the house. I didn't want them to give up their lives to take care of me, and we sort of figured out ways to "cover". The rest of the time I just sat in my chair. I was exhausted, and I got to my docs appt., and we did whatever we absolutely had to do, but our lives were bleak. Then he was diagnosed with Early Alzheimers, and it was almost the final straw. We were just plodding along. I had a few friends who knew how sad and sick we were. They did things to brighten our days, but I saw no hope ahead. I did worry about how my husband would care for himself as his disease progressed, if I died. My husband became depressed. he lost his best friend, then his brother, another friend moved away, and then when Covid came he lost his cribbage friends. No one could gather. During this 4 1/2 year period I had two back surgeries that were serious, and then an abcess. So three surgeries. I was desperate, and I signed up for a zoom class called Living Well With Chronic Pain. it was sort of a last ditch effort. That Course helped me to began a very basic, simple exercise program that I could do regardless of my limitation. It helped me to learn to advocate better for myself, I began to cook simple meals, and I began to socialize with my friends who I had been hiding from, I began to stop taking meds that were not helping me. My life began to change. I'm still not physically much different. I have pain, sleepless nights, and instead of focusing on that I look out my window at the birds at the feeder, at my flowers, or think of the next project that I'm going to produce. I had two sewing rooms upstair that I could not access. I called a friend and she came and took pictures of those two rooms, and she had them printed and enlarged. I would circle things on those pages, and have my husband go upstairs and bring down 4 or 5 items, and bins filled with fabrics and supplies. I found a hallway that I had hubby set up with a desk and a few pieces of furniture where I could store what I wanted. There was a stairway, and I believed that it was empty space under it and I asked him to cut into it and see if there was storage space and there was. I would drag myself into that small hallway, and sort through. I gave about 50 new patterns to charity, and yards and yard of fabric, extra sewing machines, and kept my favorite one. I figured out how to get a small sewing area set up, and then I began to work on projects on a card table in the living room. I tried things that didn't work, and then tried things that did work. I'll only say this once, because I will not focus on it, but as I sit here, and type, I'm wracked with pain. I refuse to focus on the pain. I can see over my desktop computer into my back yard and the birds are feeding outside my window, and my gorgeous lilies and summer phlox are blooming. My cousin and her boy-friend will arrive from New Hampshire in a few hours, and she'll bring her show and tell, and I'll show her my projects. She's 73 and I'm 84. I search for patterns on my computer because I cannot negotiate going into stores. I have taken my life back, and my production and creativity has exploded. I'm doing more and better work that I ever have, and with determination. I refuse to give up. But when I write these things that I write it's because I want others to reclaim their life in the best manner that they can. We do not have to live our lives focused on pain and suffering. We can see a better tomorrow. I had that choice and I took it. I can talk symptoms and meds, and pain and suffering, or I can talk about the gorgeous wool chair backs that I designed and made for the dining room chairs with flowers and birds, and colors, and stitches that I did by hand that were difficult with arthritis, but produced something beautiful. Dig out the guitar, and sing a song, or read a book, or look at the stars at night, or the sun coming up over the horizon. Do something even if it takes your last breath to do it. You are alive, do one thing today that you love.