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Let’s Go Walking! Join me for a virtual walking support group
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Sep 12 6:29pm | Replies (4356)Comment receiving replies
Hi Elizabeth -
I feel your pain, especially in trying to deal with your son and his many difficult issues. Not meaning to add to your burden, but I have a question for you, one which came up as I watch my brother try to figure it out with regard to a disabled grandson, for whom he has been guardian since his teens.
Are there resources in your city, county or state for him? If so, perhaps now is the time to look into them, even as a stopgap to give you a break with some scheduled respite care, housecleaning, shopping, etc.
What is the plan for Rob when you are no longer able to help? It would be dreadful if he were to "fall through the cracks" in society after all the years you have spent helping him.
I think you have said he is not under your guardianship, but sometimes there are resources for "at risk" independent or vulnerable adults. Someone who can no longer read and understand, or engage in a complex conversation is certainly a candidate for guardianship or conservatorship because he cannot make rational decisions about selfcare.
If he receives SSI/SSDI maybe they can point you to local help. Perhaps you can plead for an independent guardian/conservator to deflect his inevitable anger from you, and provide for continuity when you can no longer do everything for him.
There is a positive side to this - when his paperwork, etc are all in the hands of a third party, your time with him can focus on quality of life - outings when he is able, flowers on his patio, etc. And you have peace of mind knowing if you have a medical need or even an emergency, Rob is not abandoned.
Sorry if I stepped on toes here, but you need to get some relief, and some time to focus on your own physical and mental well-being.
My thoughts are with you. Hugs from Minnesota!
Sue
Replies to "Hi Elizabeth - I feel your pain, especially in trying to deal with your son and..."
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Hello, Sue. No, my lady, you didn't step on any toes. Never. You come from a place of kindness, caring and wanting to help. I appreciate your insight, always. I need it. You are a gift.
I met with my psychiatrist yesterday, at Mayo. He's a marvel and sent to me from above. I vented the entire visit. He said I need support, and we will work out getting Rob the help he needs. He is scheduled to see a nurse in neurology who works with his neurologist, also a wonderful doctor, person. She will coordinate with the doc and the Integrated Medicine Dept for other therapies to help relieve stress, pain, teach various therapies, as massage, acupuncture, chiro, biofeedback, CBT and whatever. I didn't realize Mayo offered those services. Silly me. We know these therapies help and have been missing since covid began. He's had no support at all. That appt is next week, so help is on the way there.
I don't think the time is here yet for guardianship. We'll see how he progresses with this support and then, if his mental state doesn't improve, I'll take those steps. I pray with some attention from others, he'll begin to improve in these areas. He'll never be ok, but hopefully improved from the klonopin withdrawal damage.
I received a call this morning from scheduling. My psychiatrist referred me to Integrated Medicine and I have a massage scheduled for next Wed. I started crying at the realization of getting help for me and that someone is looking out for me. Wow. Felt so good, Sue. Hope is a wonderful thing. Knowing, through his action, that someone is there for me makes an enormous difference in my outlook. Hope. I didn't realize how much I'd lost...
They called also to schedule a bunch of lab-work re the kidney issues and a follow-up appt with nephrology. Also, appt with urology/gynocology. This system is remarkable, isn't it. So, I'm on track getting help with multiple areas. Still alone, but not as alone and getting help.
Blessings to you and all. Elizabeth