It's unfortunate that you avoid mentioning pain and have stopped looking for solutions. I understand that attitude. Long before my pain issues cropped up, I was in treatment for bipolar disorder. There were feelings I had to keep quiet about because revealing them would lead to being labeled suicidal, when in fact, I wasn't. I know that's a different topic but I mention it to assure you that I know what you're going through. One important thing I learned during mental health treatment was that the patient has to take control of the patient/doctor relationship, not let the doctor dictate treatments that you know haven't worked for you. In other words, the patient actually hires the doctor, and can fire the doctor and find another who is more compassionate and knowledgeable about the need for whole person (mind, body, and spirit) analysis and treatment. I'm not advising you to fire your doctor and/or medical providers, you might not have an alternative choice. But I am attempting to inform your attitude. You say: "I always feel like if I tell them about my pain they will think I am looking to feed an addiction." Do they really? Are you sure? It's human nature to make assumptions like that when you experience trauma, debilitating pain, and other conditions that can diminish your reasoning and thinking processes. It's nothing to be ashamed of if that is happening. Please consider that possibility. If you come to the conclusion that what I've said may be interfering with getting the best possible care, write down some notes that explain your pain; where it is, how intense it is, how you feel about revealing it, ideas for better outcomes. You might make 5 notes to yourself on some days, you might make 1 or 2 over a weeks time.As you continue doing this, things may become clearer in your mind about your assumptions and why you've made them. You could be 100% right about your assumptions. But what if, yes, what if you start to see a flaw in your viewpoint? What if your notes open you up to a more positive attitude about your medical providers? Review your notes between doctor visits and try to improve them by summarizing them, condensing thoughts that you've repeated during the process into one coherent sentence or a short paragraph. you have nothing to lose. Then, during a week or 10 days before your next doctor appointment, put those notes into the form of a letter that you can ask your doctor to read. Myself, I get distracted and overwhelmed trying to explain some things, and end up forgetting everything I intended to talk about. I've been with my doctor for about 8 or 9 years now, we've established a trust, I don't have to repeat things I told him 3 or 5 years ago unless they've gotten worse, or better. We discuss how some issues could be a result of some event or that they could be temporary. I'm lucky to have a very compassionate and knowledgeable doctor, I know not everybody does. So just think about what I've written, OK. Believe in yourself, keep your cool, and try to open up better ways to communicate. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't, but as I said, you have nothing to lose. There just may be a solution out there that can be found if you set aside your fear about talking about pain and are able to communicate it in a different way. Good luck auntieoakley.

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