Sue, I think you understand where I'm coming from.

But, I'm tired. It feels like I've been overseeing someone's care for so long, Mom for more than 12 years w/altzheimers and Rob with dystonia now 19 years. Bob several weeks in ICU. I'm ready to quit helping But, you know that's nuts since Rob needs me. I can't stop, plus, I am worried how he'll survive after I'm not able to help. He's alone.

Since the Klonopin withdrawal, his brain isn't ok. He's a brilliant person, constant reader-can't understand much of what he reads now, excellent writer-vocabulary is very limited now, very logical-can't follow another person's speech nor think clearly/logically. Ability to have a logical, clear conversation is gone.

Now, I'm not feeling sad or sorry for myself, Sue. I'm explaining why I'm tired, really tired. I've missed out on a lot of living and been working through that loss the last few years, to get rid of resentment and anger. To learn acceptance. Of self and life.

The last few months, things have been extra challenging w/Rob and you've seen me deteriorate. That's the pattern. That's our roller-coaster. I never learned how to handle this, so have been having a ball with cognitive thinking and all the 'new to me' concepts. Fun, interesting, challenging and plain tough to apply personally.

You and your daughters are very much alike even tho so different. There's a lot of their mother in them that leads them to be helpers, or you wouldn't be chatting with me on this group, or the other groups with folks you help.

Back to bed. I woke up and began more of this thinking. You know that helped me get back to sleep, eh? Nope. So, good night, my friend. Bless you and yours. Elizabeth