@shaleta30 As a confirmed "dig in my heels, I'm not taking any meds!" person I can really relate to your reticence to avoid medication for anxiety and depression. The only medication in my cabinet was Vitamin D3 so I get it...until life had other plans for me.

My wild ride dealing with aggressive leukemia and a bone marrow transplant launched me big time into the world of Big Pharma. My medical treatments, successful transplant and my remission from AML for 2 years so far, has left me a convert of "better living through chemistry". I truly would NOT be alive without the vast array of drugs that treated me and kept me going.

I'm looking at this from the perspective of; you've suffered for 10 years and have tried counseling and treatments. You're still suffering with seemingly no end in sight. You have the availability to use a medication which might give you a platform for recovery. There is no shame in using an aid for recovery and you may not have to use it forever. Often these anti anxiety meds are used to get the symptoms under control in conjunction with mediation or mindfulness exercises to help you long term.
What do you have to lose by taking something which may help you? What exactly are you afraid of?

Start with the smallest amount of the dosage possible My daughter was prescribed prozac. She barely tips the scales at 100 pounds. So she started out with liquid Prozac at 2mg and took months to work up to the 10 mg dosage. It changed her life along with some modification techniques I mentioned in a previous post to you.

I see @hearttoheart1 wrote a lovely response for you. She would be an amazing person to chat with.
We all want to see you on the road to recovery! It's doable! My friend @merpreb has also given you some excellent advice regarding taking medication for anxiety. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, my dear.

Wishing you peace Lori