I feel your pain. My adult son lives with us and has suffered for 8+ years with major depression and hypersomnia. He wants to be independent, and thinks that means not telling me anything so I won't be critical. Similarly he wants extravagant praise for small items. He has always been more emotionally sensitive and fragile than his parents, both of whom are INTJ on the old type talk categories. While I have no answers, the concepts in the book "How to talk so your children will listen and listen so kids will talk" are worthy, as are the old type talk differences. I'm also exploring whether a book called "Living Well on the Spectrum" has points to consider. Inviting them to "an excellent meal" and biting your tongue to not bring up anything of a personal nature sometimes helps. Good luck, keep trying, but hope there's a backdoor to re-engage.